marital communication 601: familiar voice

I've noticed something in recent months, my husband and I have been married long enough now that I recognize his voice anywhere. He can call without introducing himself, even without the assistance of caller ID I know it is him by voice alone. We can be in the company of a group and I can locate him simply by the sound of his voice, which to my ears is distinct among a crowd.

There are others in my life that have a distinct voice - my adopted dad for instance. I know my mom's voice on the phone, but in a family crowd she sounds like some of her sisters. My brother's voice sounds to me a lot like our biological father's. But, it is all in the family and there is a comfort in the familiarity of their voice.

I suspect there is a level of intimacy a relationship reaches when one's voice becomes this familiar to us. God wants us to know him in that way too. There is a story in John 10: 1-5 about sheep knowing their shepherd's voice, in this story we are the sheep and he is the shepherd:

"Let me set this before you as plainly as I can. If a person climbs over or through the fence of a sheep pen instead of going through the gate, you know he’s up to no good—a sheep rustler! The shepherd walks right up to the gate. The gatekeeper opens the gate to him and the sheep recognize his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he gets them all out, he leads them and they follow because they are familiar with his voice. They won’t follow a stranger’s voice but will scatter because they aren’t used to the sound of it.”

just Sheri, listening for the sound of a familiar voice

reminiscent of...Africa

Since I am now a mortgage payer and more place bound than I have been in the past, I decided to decorate our home in honor of the places we have lived.

The first room that made any progress was an ode to my birthplace: New Mexico. I wrote about this in a post titled: home away from home.

I have made progress on my second room - our "great room"...I am not sure what else to call this. It is the biggest room in our house. It is the first one entered from the front door. This is what it looked like before we moved in.

Today, it has a 10' sectional and our dining table. The theme for this room is an ode to Africa. Many of the items in this room came from previous travels. For instance, the rug was purchased after an eventful day of bartering in Morrocco.

The round baskets on the wall remind me of this man who I met in Liberia on one of my trips. He was weaving similar baskets from straw. I saw many of these beautiful, colorful baskets all over the Continent. I look at these and think of the people I met who create such beautiful handicrafts.

One the wall between the windows is a batik that comes from Kenya.  

The figurines in the batik remind me of the Masai people. Some of whom I was able to meet on a visit to the coast of that country.

I also have memorabilia from Mozambique from our time there. We could not bring much back with us due to weight limits, but my heart still resides with all of the people I met along the journey of life. While I cannot be with them, and frequent visits are unlikely due to present circumstances; I have brought these memories front and center in our home. These items also allow me to share the memories with guests who come to our home.

just Sheri, collector of memories

Marital Communications 501: Star Wars

One of my joys in life is exposing the Hubs to new experiences. The hotel where we spent our honeymoon had a video library. I picked out "West Side Story" and convinced Kenyon to watch it by telling him it is a movie about street gangs. I failed to mention the gang fights were lyrical, choreographed street dances.

I got him to watch "Sound of Music" by telling him it was a World War II movie (he is a WWII buff). True, that is the context of the movie, but (again) I failed to mention the singing and dancing. I used a similar tactic for "Gone with the Wind." At the end of that experience he said, "I total misjudged that movie!" He actually enjoyed the story after the multi-hour investment of time.

Our latest movie adventure is Star Wars. Yes, the Hubs is 35 years old and NEVER seen Star Wars. It came up because there was a joke referencing Darth Vader that he didn't understand. So, recently we have spent a couple of nights watching classic Star Wars movies.

I can tell you from experience that watching a grown man experience Star Wars for the first time is highly entertaining. He provides a unique perspective...to say the least. (apologies in advance to Star Wars fans)

About R2-D2:

K: What is the purpose of that rolling trash can?

I am not enough of a fan to be able to effectively defend R2-D2, but I can honestly say I did not see the resemblance to a trash can until the Hubs pointed it out.

About Jabba the Hut:

K: Why are they afraid of that fat earthworm?

I can't explain why Jabba the Hut is powerful...nor did I previously see him as an earthworm, but now I see the coloring, shape and motion do resemble a worm.

The Hubs has always provided a unique perspective.

just Sheri, enlightened

Marital Communication 402: still traveling

The Hubs brought an interesting fact to my attention recently. I still travel quite a bit, more than the Average Jane for sure. I thought about it and realized I have taken some kind of trip every month since October.

For faithful readers, you know that I took a trip to China with my adopted dad to see one of my best friends in October. We toured Shanghai. I danced with the locals in a park. We ate from street vendors on "food street" and more.

Then I met up with my brother and his wife in South Carolina in November to spend time with our birth father. That same month I spent some time in the Chesapeake Bay with the William's family.

In December, I visited Austin, TX for work.

In January, I traveled to Colorado to participate in the memorial service for my birth father.

February brought a flight to Houston, some precious time with the Wonderful Whitlock family, and a cruise with family. In that trip we visited Mexico, the Cayman Islands and Jamaica.

In March, I plan to attend a work conference in Baltimore and have a tentative road trip planned to North Carolina.

This was graciously pointed out to me, because the day I returned from my cruise vacation I began planning my next international trip. If all goes as planned, I will be in India in the fall!

I think the conversation actually went more like this:

S: ...now that I am tied down.

K: Tied down? Hmph...you travel all the time!

Then I realized - he's right! Even being a mortgage-payer can't keep me in one place for long...our new "home" is now the launching pad to other destinations.

just Sheri, a nomad at heart

You can call me "mortgage-payer"

We took the plunge! Last week we sat in a Title and Escrow company office and signed papers to become mortgage-payers. It is a monumental day in every American's life. This month we will be relocating to a fancy townhouse that we will be calling "home." 

It has a nice kitchen with granite counter tops, a gas stove and a small pantry.

A breakfast nook and family room off the kitchen.

A larger space for a formal dining and sitting area.

And a fully finished basement. 

In addition to all of this, there are four bedrooms and three full baths. That means there is plenty of space for visitors! Yes, please, come visit.

While we were sitting outside waiting for the Realtor to arrive to do our final walk through, Kenyon said, "we are going to have a lot more stuff to move when we leave this place."

I said, "You never know, we might be here a while."

Kenyon didn't believe me. I can only assume he thought I was joking based on the laughter that followed.

just Sheri, not as mobile as I used to be

Marital Communications 401

The Hubs came home a couple of nights ago carrying a shopping bag. I innocently asked, "what's in the bag?"

He pulls out a little pig, vacuum sealed in plastic. It is very obviously a pig. The snout and hoofs and little tail are all quite visible.

My response, "Ewwww! I can't believe you just put that on our bed."

He says, "I can't believe they sell pigs at the bookstore."

We both got a good laugh. Hopefully, you did too.

Thankfully, we only had to host the pig one night as the next morning he took it to his biology class to dissect. I am grateful I neither had to participate in, nor witness such an event. I'm also grateful that it happened "off-site," meaning not in our apartment.

just Sheri, NOT a biologist

life without television?

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.  

~ Ann Landers (1918-2002)

Some may think that in our modern world it is impossible to live without a television.  Most homes in western civilization have not one, but many televisions.

For many years I lived without a television. I wasn't trying to make a social statement. Circumstances in my life had led to a place where there was no TV in my home and I just hadn't felt an urge to change that. In fact, I kind of liked not having one. I felt as if I had gained hours in my day...more time for rest or to do things that mattered.  I felt soooo productive!

My dad came for a visit (when I was single and living in Kansas City) and decided this was a necessity I could not do without any longer, so he graciously bought me a TV. He would have paid for any TV my heart desired. Large flat screens were (and are) all the rage. I chose a 23". I liked it better because it didn't seem to dominate the room. I unpacked the TV, but it required a cable connection and I never quite got around to doing that. So, a few more years passed where a TV was set up in my home, but only operated when watching movies. After Kenyon and I got married, he moved in to my place. We got cable and I didn't like the results.

Once the TV was hooked up to some programming. Gone were the nightly dinners at the dining table. Gone was conversation over dinner. Time seemed to get away from me. I spent less time on things that mattered.

We have now returned to the States.  The TV my dad bought those years ago was stored in my friends home while we were overseas. Once we moved in, it stayed in the box for months. It is now set up for video watching, but can't run any programming as we missed the free adapter phase of the digital implementation and don't have any paid programming set-up.

I feel no desire to change our circumstance in regard to television.  We follow our favorite shows online - CSI and Amazing Race.  I get the news through an app on my phone or online.  Sometimes in the evening we will watch a movie rented from Red Box or the local library.

Without a TV in the home, I read more. I get outside. We converse more. We find other, more productive ways to spend our time.

Life without a TV was a product of circumstance before.  I think it is going to become a lifestyle choice.

just Sheri, a journalism major (and American) with no working television

Guest blogger: The Traveling Spouse

Today, I am a guest blogger at Little Creek Life. My friend Athalia writes about life in the mountains on a five acre swamp.

I was asked to be part of a series on "Holding down the Fort." This series is dedicated to those leading a life of adventure...and attempting to overcome the struggles that come with it. My perspective was unique, as I was the traveling spouse, rather than the one being left behind.

just Sheri, hoping someone can benefit from my experience (and mistakes)

Smart Car

Shortly after returning from Africa, we bought a used car from Craig's List. The owner gave us a fabulous deal - thousands under blue book value...and nothing is wrong with it. In fact, he took excellent care of the vehicle and it should last us for many years to come.

One of the perks of this new-to-me vehicle is a sophisticated information panel in the dashboard. A few months ago it told me that my left, rear light had gone out. Wow, thanks for that information! I likely wouldn't have known until a police officer pulled me over and ticketed me - this was a much better way to find out. My handy-husband bought the inexpensive part and fixed it. The warning went away.

I have been driving all over the county in recent weeks for site visits at work. It has been a lot of fun for me to get out of the office, away from my desk, and be in the community meeting people.

Well, on my way back from a meeting the warning light went off and the information panel said "low tire pressure." I called my handy-husband. He found which tire was loosing air and then found a piece of metal lodged in the tire. We got the problem repaired for a whopping $12.10 by a helpful man at the Walmart tire and lube.

I was (and still am) so grateful for this sophisticated information panel. Why? The two days following this repair I was going to be on the road the entire day - traveling many miles. Kenyon was going to be at work, working 12-hour shifts (minimum) in another (but neighboring) county. What if my tire had blown? Kenyon could not have come to help me and the fix would have been much more expensive. I am told by mechanics that we would have had to replace all four tires because the vehicle is all-wheel drive and the cost would have been nearly $1,000.

That is an ugly alternative.

just Sheri, awed by the wonders of technology

forks over knives

I had mentioned in the post "still transitioning" that Kenyon and I attended an independent film with my co-workers. I have been meaning to write about the movie we saw - Forks Over Knives. The movie is advocating a whole foods, plant-based diet. Like every documentary I have seen - it is not a comprehensive portrayal of the issue. However, it is a topic worthy of discussion and (serious) consideration.

Do I believe that diet plays a pivotal role in overall health? YES!

Do I believe that the American diet is out of whack as far as health and nutrition are concerned? YES!

Do I believe this idea is the final solution? No.

Since viewing the movie, I have had many friends from around the U.S. post about their response to the film on facebook. One is adopting the diet wholeheartedly. Kenyon was of that persuasion when we left the movie...a few weeks later he isn't quite so radical about his conviction.

We did however make some changes in our diet and I have taken the opportunity to introduce some things that before would have received criticism at the dinner table. Our new milk of choice is soy milk, rather than cows milk. The majority of our dinners are vegetarian and we eat a wide variety of fresh fruits and vegetables. Prior to watching this movie, Kenyon would not accept a meal without a meat. He once asked, "without meat, how do you get full?" I don't think he wonders that anymore.

Some recent recipes have been:

• High protein breakfast cookies: made with flax, nuts (walnut, pecan or almond), cinnamon, raisins or dried cranberries, and a secret ingredient. (Shhh! The secret is blended kidney beans as the wet ingredient) These are great (and nutritious) on your way out the door in the morning. Because they are high in protein, they keep you feeling full for a few hours. I can thank Dayna Whitlock for the recipe.
• Stuffed sweet peppers: these were stuffed with seasoned Bulgar wheat, then baked. Very filling (and tasty)!
• Lentil-apple salad: these are seasoned with curry and includes chunks of cooked potatoes. I have always loved potatoes - thus low-carb diets were never a consideration for me. Kenyon's response, "you could make that again!" He is a fan of apples.
• Acorn squash stuffed with mushrooms: I saw the squash at the market and just had to have some. My dad first introduced me to these when I was a young person still living at home. I thought they looked nasty. He insisted I try it anyway. I fell in love as a young person, but haven't cooked with these squash as an adult (mostly because I have hardly cooked as an adult).
• Black bean burgers: I made these for the first time in Mozambique, but reintroduced them recently. The beans are mashed with green peppers and onions, then seasoned with cumin and chili powder. Made in to patties and then baked in the oven.
• Summer Salad: with spinach, strawberry, pomelo (found at my favorite grocery - Global Foods), and jicama.

All of these recipes made the "eat again" rating category with my husband. These are things he would have turned up his nose at before. 

I'd like to say "thank you" to the creators of Forks Over Knives for encouraging us to experiment at the dinner table.

Some of these recipes may be the subject of future blog posts...is there one that sounds particularly tasty to you?

just Sheri, experimenting in the kitchen

Anniversary Number Four

In June, Kenyon and I reached a milestone - four years of marriage. In that time we (together) have visited 12 countries, lived on three continents, and moved seven times. Whew! That is a lot of life in a short amount of time.

If you have been reading this blog for a while you know that each year we make a top ten list of our favorite memories for the year. I also then take the list and turn it in to a photo book that we have as a keepsake to someday (hopefully) tell our kids about our great adventures. You can read past entries here, here, and here. We are a bit behind this year, but the list is complete. Last year, we only had nine memories - this year we made up for that with eleven. Here are our favorite memories from the past year:

11.  learning speed charades from Claire (the Dutch, Irish, English girl in Mozambique), which we have imported to America for game nights with new friends

10.  attending the International Folk Art Market with my family in New Mexico. Folk Art is my favorite kind of art and this market has quite the collection from around the globe.

9.  Busch Gardens roller coasters and getting caught in the rain

8.  Sheri learned to cook and transformed in to Pioneer Woman. It's amazing what one can accomplish when necessary for survival. The good thing is, it has stuck. Now that we have more convenient options - cooking (and eating) foods with raw, fresh ingredients is still part of our daily lives.

7.  trolley tour in Fredericksburg on slavery and slave places

6.  attending the Laotian festival at the local Buddhist temple

5.  exploring Colonial Williamsburg - the origins of our nation

4.  a pit stop in Amsterdam while moving continents

3.  visiting friends and family on home leave in 2010

Our top memories for the past year are related to times spent with a family that is special to us - the Wonderful Whitlocks. They made the list last year, too. Hopefully, they will be on the list for many years to come...

2.  fourth of July celebration in Mozambique with the Whitlocks thanks to the U.S. Embassy and the American School

1. getting stuck in sinking sand with the Whitlocks on a visit to Zavorra Beach, Mozambique

our house is...very fine...yes, it is

Five months after arriving in the USA, Kenyon and I have moved in to a place of our own.

We have an apartment! It is close to my work. It has everything we need.

I realized during this moving process, this is the first time Kenyon and I are really setting up house together. When we first got married, he moved in to my already furnished condo. Then we moved my stuff, with Kenyon, to North Carolina for my job. Then we sold that stuff and moved overseas...always renting furnished apartments as we weren't going to transport furniture across the ocean.

This is the first time we have picked out a couch together. This is the first place we've lived that is "ours." This process has been a little backwards for us. But, I believe this is an unintended benefit of re-establishing our lives.

just Sheri, starting over

Marital Communications 302: gridlock traffic

These days I spend more time than I'd like on the road getting from here to there and back again. I don't know if it ever gets easier or if people just get used to it...but commuting sucks.

Kenyon is taking a nighttime nursing class and goes in the same direction as me, just at different hours (against the traffic).

A few nights ago as I was trapped in gridlock traffic and he was heading on the same highway northbound we were talking on the phone. He asked which exit number I was near. I told him and irritatingly noted the fact that it had taken me half an hour to travel 4 miles. He had blown by me and reassuringly stated, "yeah, it doesn't look like that traffic is going anywhere!"

Thank you very much!

just Sheri, still wishing for a teleporter

bits of my weekend: couples dance

Kenyon and I are still working on making our new location feel like home, and that means getting out and about. We had heard about a community dance being put on by a local church. They were going to provide childcare until 11pm. There would be some food and music. We decided to go. Worst case scenario, we would make a memory that later we could say, "Do you remember that time..."

We definitely made a memory!

We were one of the youngest couples in the room. Most were in their 50's. The music was a jazz band. We knew we were out of place when the lead singer mentioned a song that should take the group back to memories of the Ed Sullivan show. Hmmm...we don't have memories of that show as we weren't born yet. My husband can often have me laughing until I cry while giving what I call his "running commentary." Our dance event was no exception.

It may not have been the kind of event that had us kicking up our heels, but it was an enjoyable experience. Honestly, I was impressed with a church that would go to such lengths to give couples a good time - providing food, music, a fun atmosphere and most importantly childcare.

just Sheri, happy feet

review of the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts

I am NOT an artist, but I am an art enthusiast. For years I have wished that I could create colorful works of beauty, but alas, that is not my gifting...no matter how hard I wish for it. However, I still love to view works of art and attend performing art events.

One of the things Kenyon and I missed in recent years was the wide availability of art. He proposed to me in the Nelson Atkins Museum of Art in Kansas City. In our courting days and early marriage we spent many date nights at a theater event or art show (in Kansas City there are many, as well as in my home town of Santa Fe).

Now that we are back in the US and have a few major metropolises in our vicinity - we are going to take advantage of the amenities available to us (and the time unemployment has afforded us).

Recently we toured the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts.

There is a sculpture garden, all sorts of paintings and even furniture. The museum had some of the prettiest stained glass windows I've seen up close. We spent a leisurely afternoon wandering the exhibits, picking our favorites, reading about the artists and giving our versions of what statement the art is trying to make. The variety of art is quite unique and because this state was an original colony and a battlefield site during the civil war there are also some unique pieces related to American history.

The best part...admission is FREE.

If you are looking for something to do in the Richmond, VA area. We recommend the Fine Art museum.

just Sheri, appreciative of the arts

Marriage 301: relationship advice from Griff

Griff is the home health care nurse that visits us weekly. He is originally from the Pacific Islands, but that was decades ago. He has made America his home and even served in our military. We look forward to his visits and usually have a lively discussion. The topic for last week - marriage.

Griff says: (not to me directly) "My dear, when you marry a man you are marrying a child. If you are not willing to raise that man, then you should not get married."

When I was in college a friend of mine was getting married and her mom said, "In marriage, the wife gives and gives and gives...and when the husband reaches about the age of 55 that investment pays off."

The two seem to have a common thread. Do you think it is accurate?

just Sheri, curious

I am Pioneer Woman

Once upon a time, there was a young woman who fancied herself a "city girl." City girl's have a busy social life and a demanding career. City girl's eat for convenience. City girl's wonder why anyone would consider making yogurt, cheese or granola from scratch. When hosting dinner parties, City girl's order take-out and put it on nice serving dishes, but never dirty a pot or pan. Yup, once upon a time that was me. I don't know that girl anymore. That girl has transformed in to Pioneer Woman.

Pioneer Woman makes everything from scratch. Pioneer Woman dreams of owning a self-sustaining home in the country and growing her own vegetables. I am Pioneer Woman.

I wanted to share with you a few of the things I have been making lately.

Navajo Tacos

This is something I grew up eating at special events in my hometown. When I told my family that I made Navajo Tacos. They asked, "you made Indian bread? How did you do that?"

Indian bread is a key ingredient in Navajo Tacos. In New Mexico, it was always something we would buy from a local vendor. Making it wasn't as difficult as one might think. Though on the first attempt I didn't get the consistency right, but by the second attempt I had it down.

In addition to the Indian bread, I also made the salsa from scratch. I had never done this before living overseas, but what makes it particularly difficult is that it must be done without any small kitchen appliances - no food processor, no standing or hand blender. Just the power of my arm, a knife, and kitchen shears. Yes, I used scissors to refine the texture of the salsa.

Other items that I made recently:

• 
  
  Black bean burgers (not from a box and warmed up; but mashed, seasoned and made in to patties then baked)
• 
  
  apple-cinamon muffins (not from a box with liquid added; but from raw ingredients blended and baked)
• 
  
  maple syrup (when making your own maple syrup, one quickly learns how much sugar is in syrup - thankfully I can control the sugar content when making it from scratch)

I am Pioneer Woman. Hear me roar.

What have you been making in your kitchen lately?
 
Sheri

over lunch...

The other day over lunch the staff and I were having a conversation about cultures and the impact on worldview and attitudes. It came up that all of the staff think it is odd that my husband helps with household chores. I am told an African man would never be seen cleaning or doing laundry.

A few weeks ago I was in Kenya and a similar conversation occurred where the African men, one of them well in to his 50's, said they had never served themselves food or fetched something from the kitchen - that was women's work. They always had mothers, sisters, wives or daughters to do this for them. I asked what happens if a woman isn't home? Do they starve?

The answer was, "No. We ask the helper."

Remember, most middle class households in the developing world have hired help in their home.

African men think I should feel ashamed if my husband helps with laundry. African women think it is a great example to African men.  I heard that on TV in Mozambique they have started airing commercials about men helping with dishes, cleaning and cooking in the home - like a Public Service Announcement (PSA). I haven't seen it, because I can't understand most of what's on the television as they speak very fast Portuguese.

The lunch conversation was interesting. I am glad we have established enough trust to have such conversations.

What do you think? Should men help with household chores or is that women's work?

Anniversary Number Three

Three years...and counting. Kenyon and I celebrated our three year wedding anniversary last week. It was a week day, which means I had to work. So, he brought flowers to my work and we had dinner that night at a Portuguese restaurant we had never been to, but came highly recommended.

I used to wonder how old married couples often seem to communicate without saying a word. I think I've learned their secret. In recent months I realized that Kenyon and I have spent enough time together and I know him well enough now that I can often accurate predict his response to things. I am familiar enough with his likes and dislikes that I don't always have to ask, I just know. His ways are familiar enough to me that with a quick glance I know what he is doing (or about to do). Don't tell him he's predictable, but there is something to knowing someone that well or being familiar enough with them that these things are just known.

We spent the weekend at a beach on the coast of Mozambique. As we drove out the six hours to our destination, we used some of the time to make our annual list of favorite memories. This has been a tough year with two cross-continent moves, continued unemployment, and other issues...pardon us, but we couldn't come up with 10 and instead have a list of nine favorite memories for the year. To see lists from previous years, visit here and here. These are listed in the order they came to us, not necessarily a preference ranking:

9. Moving to Mozambique

8. Visiting good friends in Dubai

7. Watching Avatar outdoors in Phnom Penh, Cambodia

6. Nelspruit with the Whitlock's

5. Visiting the Power and Light district in Kansas City

4. Being chased by an angry momma elephant at the Royal game park in Swaziland while on our self-guided tour with the Whitlock's.

3. Christmas gift exchange with the Cambodian staff

2. The taste of turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie at the annual partner dinner in Cambodia

1. Snorkeling in Sihanoukville, Cambodia

Obviously travel is the inspiration for many of our favorite memories. How about you? are your favorite memories from special occassions or everyday events?

is it medical?

We have not gone to a doctor to find out if there is a problem; partially, because we live in the developing world and such things are difficult to diagnose here and infertility treatments would also be difficult. Partially, because I was hoping it would just happen without complications. Honestly, who thinks they are going to have trouble getting pregnant? That is not generally someone's first assumption. Will there be a medical intervention in our future? I don't know.

I have found this experience to be faith growing. It isn't easy to hope for something year after year that doesn't seem to become reality - for whatever reason. There have been times that I tried to squash the desire for children. There have been times I thought it would just be easier if I didn't want it. Hoping hurts when it is hope deferred. I've had many chats with God about this. Many questions related to why it hasn't happened? The only answer I received is found in Luke 18:1.

I believe God is asking me to "always pray and not lose heart." Praying keeps hope alive, but as I mentioned before, hoping hurts. I keep praying through the pain. Will I get what I am asking for? I don't know. But, I will keep hoping.