culture shock: politeness

In returning to America, there was something interesting that I noticed. Americans are quite courteous. We wait patiently in line for our turn. We hold doors open for perfect strangers. We say "please" and "thank you" during exchanges of even mundane tasks.

My friend Phim had a flat tire. Someone stopped to help and didn't leave until it was taken care of, because he said he hoped someone would do that for his wife and child if they had a flat.

I haven't seen these kind of courtesies in a while. Now, we ain't got nothing on the developing worlds hospitality! But, courtesy is fostered here and should be exported. I'd prefer that over the materialism that we are exporting currently.

just Sheri, thankful for common courtesy

oral health: unintended sacrifice

In case I haven't mentioned it enough, Kenyon and I moved back to the U.S. late last year after serving as missionaries for a short time overseas. We made some intentional sacrifices in choosing that life. We continue to choose some intentional sacrifices. However, we recently learned that there were also some unintentional sacrifices.

Kenyon and I had excellent teeth before moving overseas. No cavities. For me, it was the blessing of genetics as I was not the best at caring for my teeth. Medical care is difficult to come by in the places we lived recently - not available to the masses, and what is available is expensive. We had medical insurance, but it mostly covered catastrophic occurrences and included medical evacuation just in case. Dental was a luxury unavailable to us. Our medical coverage didn't cover us in the US, so even when we came home on leave it was unavailable.

Fast forward to the present, we have each seen a dentist in recent weeks. The news was surprising. Kenyon has double digit cavities. I have fewer, but one will require a root canal. Ugh!

My dentist tells me it is a combination of things that caused this. Her suggestions were tied to the water we drink while living overseas.  Foreigners can't drink the water in most places, because it would make us sick. Thus, we had a purified water dispenser in our home for drinking/cooking water. Apparently what was supposed to keep us in good health had an unintended consequence - bad for oral health. I am told by my dentist that the lack of fluoride, plus the existence of iodine in the water was the winning combination.

Her suggestion was to take fluoride tablets with you and add them to the water bottles. Now if only I had that bit of knowledge a few years ago. It wasn't in our orientation packet or any book I read in preparation.

I share this for my friends still serving around the globe and for those considering a long-term stay - add fluoride tablets to the packing list, your teeth will thank you.

just Sheri, about to schedule a root canal

you never know...

Last week I was floored by the wonders of technology...and God's provision for our needs.  I received a friend request from a former colleague from across the globe.  He asked if I remembered him.  Of course I did, he was part of our leadership team for a large multi-national HIV prevention effort.  I saw him many years in a row at our annual meeting and a couple of times in the field on one of my many world tours.

I suppose it is human nature to wonder if what we do makes a difference.  I have felt that the time in my old life was cut short, prematurely. I have thought that it just wasn't long enough to have an impact. I needed more time to go deeper in relationships. More time to genuinely share life together - the highs and lows.

Then, unexpectedly, I receive an answer to a question I never asked out loud - was it worth it? Did it make a difference? Did it even matter at all?

It is rare that we get to know the impact of our efforts in Kingdom work...that is unless some kind soul tells us. This week I received that gift. There are lessons this individual learned from my words, and so many more he learned from observation when I didn't know anyone was watching. He told me that he has shared these lessons with many others since then. I had no idea. None. It left me in tears.

Through the wonders of technology, I received a communication from a far-away land that touched my heart and encouraged my soul...and reminded me of something VERY important.

I'm convinced that we can write and live our own scripts more than most people will acknowledge. I also know the price that must be paid. It's a real struggle to do it...It involves living a life of integrity, starting with making and keeping promises, until the whole human personality, the senses, the thinking, the feeling and the intuition are ultimately integrated and harmonized. Stephen Covey (born 1932 ) U.S. author, speaker, consultant, management-expert

Just so we are clear, I have not attained this goal. It is a constant, daily journey. It is a choice and a struggle against internal and external forces that pull in other directions. I share this publicly because I was reminded of the priceless value of a life lived with integrity. There are so many I have learned from, often through observation. I should tell them what the example of their life has meant to me...

What have you learned by watching others?

just Sheri, a work in progress grateful for encouragement

on American soil

I received an email this week that our boxes have arrived in America. They are pending customs clearance and delivery. But, this is VERY exciting news!!!

We still need a permanent (or semi-permanent) place to live, so they will remain in storage for a while longer...but this is progress.

just Sheri, doing the happy dance

definitions of "rude" - a cultural construct

It has been a few short months since we boarded a plane in Africa bound for the USA. I still miss the overseas life. I certainly miss the palm trees and sunshine of Mozambique...and the people I met along the way are still very dear to my heart and I wish they weren't so far away.

I am committed to cultural diversity and am grateful for those who helped me transition in new lands and showed me hospitality when I was far from home. In order to pass it on I have started volunteering with a local organization that helps refugee families in their transition.

One of the things I was asked to do was attend a dinner group with Americans who are volunteering with the newcomer families. In these discussions, I am reminded of how many of our ideas are cultural constructs and how often we assign value judgments to them.

I do it this way and that is the right way. Others do it that way and that is the wrong way.

Really? What if it is just different? Can we get past the difference?

Is being late rude? Perhaps. However, the definition of late varies greatly across cultures. In some places showing up 2 hours after the scheduled time is still an acceptable window. Yes, 2 hours. The definition of "late" is a cultural construct and the value assigned is ultimately an arbitrary one.

Is it rude to disregard cordial greetings in order to accomplish a task? Perhaps. Again, this is defined by culture. In many parts of the world EVERY interaction is cordial. Conversation, business meetings and even email begin with - How are you? How is your family? How was that important event?...These cannot be ignored as they matter greatly to relationship - even professional ones. The task at hand isn't as important as the people involved - or is it the other way around?

just Sheri, keenly aware of the differences

Hip-hip-hooray!

They are coming! They are coming! Our boxes are coming from Africa. They should be here in a few short days.

I (almost)cannot believe my good fortune.

Just Sheri, experiencing Christmas in February

cell phones and internet charges - what a mystery?!

For years I have been fascinated by the differences in cell phone and internet charges around the globe.

In America we pay a flat rate for internet service and can use it as many hours as we want and generally download as much data as our heart desires - movies, news, video clips, photos of all sizes are at our finger tips and we rarely think about the file size as the price isn't measured that way.

Overseas, when internet service is available it often comes with higher charges during premium hours, a limitation on data usage per month and a serious up-charge for anything over that amount.

This seemed easily explainable by capacity issues.

Cell phones were a different story. If we are operating under the assumption that the developed world (America) has more capacity - wouldn't it logically lead one to assume that we would get the flat rate, abundant usage on cell phones that we get with internet? Oh no, that is not the reality! Most cell phone plans have higher charges during premium hours, a limitation on data usage per month and a serious up-charge for anything over that amount. Data is an add-on to a phone plan. As well as texting. In America, we are charged a large number of fees beyond basic service.

Overseas, you often pay a flat rate for cell phone service and texting is part of the package.

From experience I know it is not because the technology is more advanced. I have been convinced for years this was simply a result of the marketplace. Cell phone companies in the US charged additional fees simply because they can, because we would pay it.

Sprint's recent decision to charge a flat rate of $69 per month for unlimited calling, texting and other bells and whistles has succeeded to further convince me of this opinion.

When Kenyon and I returned to the US we had a decision to make about cell phone providers. We are living in the basement of someones home and weren't likely to get a home phone. So, what cell phone company were we going to use?

We didn't go with any of the major providers. We didn't want to sign a contract. We didn't want to pay a bunch of money to purchase a cell phone. We didn't want to pay extra for bells and whistles that we weren't going to use - we only wanted to pay for the service we used.

We became consumers of the pay as you go cell phone variety. Our phone was under $30USD and we bought a phone card for an additional $30USD, that is good for 60-days. If we use the minutes before that time we simply buy more airtime, the airtime can roll over we just have to keep the phone active. Easy-peezy...and by my estimates it is saving us hundreds a year.

I am sure that the popularity of the Sprint plan will encourage more cell phone providers to change how they charge their customers. As flat rate plans become more popular, and our circumstances change, then we may once again join the big boys. Who knows? But, what I really like is that we have the freedom to make that choice as we aren't locked in to any contract and won't be charged any additional (unnecessary) fees.

Have you ever wondered why cell companies in the US charge extra for services like text and data? Are you satisfied with your phone service?

Just Sheri, liking the move to flat rate cell service in my homeland

culture shock: small talk

Since being back in the States I have realized I am presently inept at making small talk. I simply have nothing to contribute to conversations about movies or TV shows. My popular culture knowledge is limited if not completely handicapped. Why? Because I have been disengaged from the majority of these things for a few years now.

I haven't been able to follow sports teams, I haven't had access to the latest reading materials or blockbuster hits. I am clueless about such matters.

If you want to talk about international politics or foreign affairs - I am your girl. I have realized that in recent years the folks I met and spent time with were like me - foreigners in foreign lands. Our conversations were about surviving our circumstances, the things (and people) we missed back home and international development or relations. These aren't common conversation topics for those who are home.

I find in public settings where I used to be gregarious and engaged, I often sit silently. I have lost the ability to make small talk. Will it return? I don't know.

What are your favorite "small talk" conversation topics lately?

Just Sheri, suddenly appearing shy in public gatherings

casualty of an embargo

I thought my days of adventure were on hold because I have no International travel plans scheduled and currently reside in my homeland where everyone speaks my mother tongue. Then I get this email from the company that is supposed to ship our goods.

EMBARGO ON HOUSEHOLD GOODS TO USA

TO ALL OUR CUSTOMERS,

Dear sir or madam,

We hereby inform that with immediate effect, SAA has put an Embargo on transport of Personal Effects and Household Goods to or through USA until further notice.

USA authorities appointed this commodity of high risk.

We apologize for any inconvenience that this measure may cause in your business.

Cordialmente,

Director de Operações

What this means to us is that we aren't getting our stuff from Africa any time soon. Why? Apparently my homeland has labeled my stuff "high risk." I didn't know that muffin pans, clothes and other household effects could be so dangerous.

I hadn't heard there was an embargo issued on the country of Mozambique. So, I did a Google search to see if I could find anything related to this in order to try and predict when the "inconvenience" might be lifted. Nothing. I came up with nothing.

Adventure found a way to re-enter my life. A cross-continent move isn't enough. On all the other moves our items arrived 10 days after they were shipped, following closely behind us. Not so this time. This time we get an interesting story due to a shipping delay that became a matter of national security. I wonder if it has any ties to the earlier sanctions on Mozambique due to the kingpin law? Or is this just some other issue of national security? Things that make you go, hmmm...

Maybe I'll start a count on my blog of the number of days (at this point it has already been weeks) that it takes for our stuff to arrive...maybe.

Just Sheri, apparently a magnet for adventure

culture shock: respect for the elderly

Proverbs 20:29  The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.

It has been more than a year since we lived in the USA.  I grew up here and had visited many other places, but this was the longest I had been away. There is something I have noticed since returning. Something about how we treat seniors in our society.

While stopping at the pharmacy recently to pick up prescriptions for my friend I had an interaction that surprised me. I was about to pull in to the only available parking spot in a packed lot when two elderly women stepped in front of me on their way to their car. I stopped in my tracks as they passed. It took them some time to get in to the car as one helped the other. I sat in my automobile making sure I wasn't blocking anyone behind me...and waited. This may have happened to you before. 

What surprised me is that they kept apologizing. They looked worried that I would be upset. When I pulled in to the parking space and opened my door, they apologized some more..."we are sorry you had to wait." Why should they be sorry? The time it took because of their physical difficulties should not be my chief concern, it did not inconvenience me. I should have apologized to them because I did not get out to help.

In my old life, the life where I lived here before moving overseas, I may have been thinking about all the things I had to do and places I had to go and the slowness of these two older women may have caused an unwelcome wait of an additional few minutes. But, that isn't their fault and they shouldn't feel unwelcome.

I left this interaction with a couple of impressions:

1. In so many other parts of the world the elderly are revered. They are given the special place of honor. Their opinion carries more weight. Grey hair has earned them respect. In my culture these individuals are almost looked at as disposable. The elderly certainly are on the fringes of our society. I am not sure that is how it should be. I do know that I didn't want to give the impression to these women that they were an unwelcome interruption or inconvenience.
2. How often do we blow through our day and miss opportunities to bless others? Do we just sit in the car like I did? I don't want to be that person.

Being around old people used to make me uncomfortable. For most of my life I didn't have grandparents so I didn't know how to relate. I have a different perspective now. I think the scripture in Proverbs encourages respect for the elderly in our society. I have seen it exhibited in other places. I hope to retain this as a value in a culture where it is not common practice.

Just Sheri, appreciative that I learned to respect the elderly while living overseas

culture shock: overwhelmed by choices

When moving, my employer gave us a re-entry packet. The document says:

Re-entry is the least anticipated type of stress. Instinctively, we feel that coming home should be the easy part of the assignment...However, you can still face a number of challenges during this stage...

True that, yo!

The document asks a series of questions for reflection to help process the re-entry process. I relate to many of them. However, I will share just one of them today.

Have you ever spent 20 minutes trying to choose a cereal at the grocery store?

I never thought about this before living overseas - but Americans are inundated with an enourmous amount of choices...constantly. The options are almost endless. Cereal is only one example. There are sugar cereals and non-sugar coated cereals. There are cereals with dried fruit and those without. Some with nuts and some without. Some are gluten free. Some are high in fiber or low in cholesterol. The list goes on and on and on. With all of these options it can be overwhelming to try and make a decision...there are just too many choices.

In most places we have lived in recent years our choices for something like cereal were severely limited. IF cereal were available it was usually unsweetened corn flakes. The choice was simple: yes or no to the corn flakes? Period. Usually it was no and I would opt for some variety of granola when available.

My specific struggles haven't been cereal...but I have had occassion where I was overwhelmed by choices.

I was going to bake apple muffins for the family. Kelsey and I went to the store to buy some ingredients. We arrive in the flour aisle and I pause. It wasn't just a simple choice of white or wheat. Oh no. There were like six different brands and each brand had three to four varieties. I was stumped, just standing there staring at options for flour and wondering why anyone needed so many different choices in flour. It was long enough for Kelsey to notice and ask if I needed help finding what I was looking for. I said, "I need help choosing." She literally closed her eyes and pointed...where her finger landed was the flour we bought - it was some organic, wheat variety of flour. I didn't care. I wanted to get out of the store ASAP.

Cooking Thanksgiving dinner, I had an added challenge (beyond my inexperience and ineptitude to cook large quantities of food) - Angela has dietary restrictions, one of them being no dairy. I called in for reinforcements, my sister Sara. She was a life-saver! While at a store she sent me the following message:

Sara: Hey I am at store and wanted to report a Toffutti product that is a substitute for cream cheese with no dairy. Also found soy whipped cream and coconut milk creamers.  There is always margerine also.  I am also finding vegan cheese alternative in cheddar and mozzarella.  No dairy either.  Did u know there is cheese made from almonds?  I am discovering a whole new world!

My response: Amazing! In Mozambique I was excited just to find any cheese...now the options (and varieties) are limitless. USA...the land of choices!

NOTE: From time to time I will document some of these re-entry challenges. So many of you have been with me on the journey for years and this is just a part of the experience. This is not shared to pass judgement, but rather give a new perspective on things that are common place for so many, but now unusual for me.

Just Sheri, struggling with culture shock in my homeland

now that isn't something I see everyday...

One morning when visiting the province of Gaza for a staff training. I walked outside. What did I see asleep on the car? A bat. Yes, a bat. From a distance it looked like mud hanging off the ledge, but I knew it hadn't been raining and we hadn't driven through mud. This is definitely not something I see everyday!

Note: the picture is blurry because I zoomed from far away on my point and shoot as I did not want to get too close.

Why do you suppose he chose this spot to sleep?

Just Sheri, surprised by nature

Masai people

When I was a young person still living in my parents home, I had seen some images of Africa. Usually those images involved vast deserts with wild animals, like what is often shown on episodes of "Wild Kingdom."  I also remember images of men dressed in colorful robes, holding spears, who did a unique dance. The dance involved jumping really high. For years my family would immitate that dance. My Tia Nita was the best at it. Now that I am an adult, I have learned that the Masai people are often known for this type of dress and dance.

On a recent visit to Kenya I had the opportunity to meet some Masai people. It was at a tourist resort on the coast, but it brought back memories from younger years. I suspect, had my family been with me they would have been dancing with the Masai and not sitting in garden chairs on the sidelines as many others were.

Being up close and personal I learned something interesting that I thought you might appreciate too. The Masai wear the most fascinating shoes.

The shoes are made of tire rubber. Yes, recycled tires can be used as footware. This particualr pair was approximately 10 years old. Wow! How many pairs of shoes do you have that you could wear every day and have them last for 10 years? Admittedly, I don't have any.

Tire shoes. Fascinating.

Just Sheri, grateful for the people I have met along the journey and what they have taught me

Learning a language means risking embarrassment

I have made great progress in being able to read and understand Portuguese. I have been reluctant to speak. The staff would speak to me in Portuguese (partially to test my knowledge), I would answer in English. Then they started challenging me - "No. Not in English. Answer in Portuguese." Somone pointed out to me that I must be a perfectionist because of my reluctance to speak Portuguese.

I was reluctant. But, partially because it took me so long to get a basic sentence constructed and things just moved faster when I spoke English to those who speak English better than I speak Portuguese.

I would hope that one day I could just wake up and be able to speak Portuguese.

My teacher and I started working on it. One hour of conversation. One hour of grammar lessons.

I forced myself past my mental barrier.

I try daily to speak a bit of Portuguese. It's coming. There is a long way to go.

Recently, I have found a couple of areas where confusion remains.

tired (cansado) and married (casado)

parents (pais) and countries (paises)

It is a very different sentence depending on pronunciation, when speaking I can't seem to remember and when listening I often confuse the two.

Ahhh, language learning. A lesson in humility.

Just Sheri, lifelong learner (now) willing to face embarrassment

a typical village greeting in rural Mozambique

I am going to miss this. Yes, I am. Only a few more days and this chapter of our lives is coming to an end. I hope to witness these types of events again in the future. I hope. I hope. I hope.

Just Sheri, you'd think I would be used to these major life changes by now (and yet I am not)

sulfate is the answer...what was the question?

In an update to my vanity post, I have found the answer. Okay, I didn't actually find it. A nice Southern Belle who knows all about beauty products, tips and tricks steered me in the right direction. She told me to try a shampoo with sulfate as the ingredient.

I have a box of unpacked odds and ends from America. In the box is a small assortment of travel shampoos. I pulled them out and started reading the labels. I found the most remarkable product that was already in my home - Herbal Essence shampoo. It has restored what once was and I am incredibly grateful!

I should have known by their tag line:

take your hair all the way to luscious—all across the globe!

I have been so impressed with the results from simply switching shampoos that I am telling EVERYONE! At a recent going away party I received a compliment on how good my hair was looking - I actually had it down that day since it wasn't such a mess on my head. I said to this one lady that it was the shampoo I was using.

Another lady from a different part of the room said, "what shampoo are you using?"

I told them "Herbal Essence." It has worked wonders in this environment.

Before long I had a crowd of woman asking about it. I felt like a spokesperson.

One of the voices in the crowd said, "You should write them and tell them your story. Maybe they will give you free shampoo for promoting them." I like how she thinks, so I am posting it on my blog.

Dear Herbal Essence marketing, I know you monitor when your product name is used. If you find this blog post I would like to request some free product for being a walking advertisement for your tag line. We are about to be unemployed and your generosity would be appreciated. Even if you don't send anything. I expect to be a loyal customer because your product really worked. Somehow it overcame the harsh water conditions in Africa. Luscious locks are no longer among the sacrifices we are making to live here.

Is there a product that won you over because it delivered it's promise during a time of need?

Just Sheri, grateful for chemists in this season of Thanksgiving

monkey fruit

On the island called Xefina there isn't much. We saw the ruins. A handful of shanties. Some goats and chickens and not much else. There is one thing this little island is known for, a fruit I have never heard of. It is known here as the monkey fruit. Some of the folks I was with harvested some and gave me a taste.

The outside is like a green gord. Break the shell and the inside is brown, mushy slime. Frankly, it looks disguisting. I tried it anyway. I was told to take a bite and suck on the seed. I did as I was told.

The taste is unique. A cross between a banana and orange. I could see how in the heat of the Mozambican sun, the monkey fruit could be refreshing. I didn't eat more than one bite, but I do always enjoy a new experience. Xefina certainly offered that with an introduction to the monkey fruit.

Have you tried any new foods lately? Have you (or would you) try the monkey fruit?

Just Sheri, a fanatic for new experiences

daily dilemmas

Today, I just wanted to highlight some of the dilemmas we encounter daily living overseas in a country where rule of law is thin at best.

Here are the events of the past week: (this is just a sample of one week, imagine what happens in the course of years!)

I have a friend who took her car to the mechanic. When she got it back they had exchanged her new battery for an old one and the documentation for her vehicle was missing. In the same week, that same friend experienced theft two more times, but from individuals she knows - some she has known since 2006.

One of the Mozambican staff went to an auto mechanic to get her tire fixed. They offered her a new tire at the cost of nearly $200USD - yes, for one tire. When she said that is too expensive. They offered her a discounted "used" tire for a cost of $50USD. She asked where they get the "used" tires. They said they take them from government or NGO vehicles that come in for service.

My Portuguese teacher told me that she was paying a young man to clean her car. He stole the wiper blades, the whole thing not just the rubber part. She says casually, "they can't do that again, I have glued them down."

Today, I was asked by the HR director what to do about a staff member who has not showed up to work for a few weeks. As I continued to ask questions I learned that she is HIV-positive and the treatment is not working. I asked about her health benefits as we pay quite a significant amount of money to the government every month for the equivalent of social security to cover illnesses. For all the money we pay, there remains very little options for this woman to receive the support she needs because of the weak government infrastructure. Where does that money go? I have my suspicions when I see the cars that government officials drive and the homes where they live.

These are dilemmas, yes. Unfortunately, they happen all too frequently. But, I find in the face of all this a larger dilemma.

It is hard to maintain any trust in humanity. I am constantly trying to ward off bitterness, coldness and indifference.

Suggestions are welcome.

Just Sheri, witness to greed and not liking what it does to my own heart

The depths of my vanity

Once upon a time I had good hair. It was soft, shiny and would fall nicely. I could wash and go and it looked decent.

To be honest, I never really thought much about my hair. It was just on my head and did it's thing. I noticed a difference between a good and bad haircut, but then that was the end of my thought process about that topic.

Not anymore. I have become obsessed.

The days of not thinking about my hair have come to an end. I have invested hours trying to figure out how to regain the former glory that once was a top my head.

Since moving to Africa my hair has been on the decline. At first it was just stiff and generally dull. Then dull went to straight-up dry and brittle. I still have those days, but now on the days when it isn't dry and brittle, it looks as greasy as if I hadn't washed it for weeks. I wash my hair everyday. I use the same shampoo. The change baffles and frustrates me...

I have researched the problem on the internet and came to the conclusion that it is hard water that has caused this tragedy. The suggested solutions are to rub beer or lemon juice on my hair. I hate to admit it, but I tried it. It did stop the greasy look, but it only succeeded in causing more damage. I told a friend in Germany about my dilemma. She told me to stop it. I listened, but am still discontent.

My current strategy is to wash my hair with a bottle of filtered water. Yes, I am wasting a precious, life-giving resource for vanities sake. I admit it and I am not proud of this fact.

What has surprised me is how disturbed I am over my bad hair. It really bothers me - a LOT. I want my old hair back. I don't want to be disgusted anymore by the condition of my hair. I am learning something about myself. I am learning the depths of my vanity.

Lately, my mirror is providing a little glimpse in to some ugliness in my soul...

Just Sheri, attempting to overcome vanity

25 de Septembro

Tomorrow is Saturday, September 25. Tomorrow is my birthday.

In Mozambique, September 25 is a national holiday. In other parts of the world, outside the US, they often name streets for special occassions. We have a July 24 street in Maputo, as well as a September 25 street.

Last Sunday, I went around town with The Intern taking photos of Maputo. Why? Because when I was home I realized that I didn't have any. Without them I had no way to show family and friends the city we live in. I attempted to take a photo of one of the Av. 25 de Septembro (the last part of the word is pronounced "ooo," not "oh" because it is Portuguese, not Spanish - I still struggle with that).

Since it is Saturday, I will be off work. In the evening a group of friends and colleagues are going to the local Thai restaurant and then back to our place to celebrate.

Last year, we were living in Cambodia and I spent the day working. This year we are living in Mozambique and I will not be working (the first birthday off in a few years). Where will I be next year? Only God knows. What will I be doing? I cannot begin to predict. I continue to enjoy the journey of life - espescially because of the unpredictable twists and turns.

Sheri