God has issued me a challenge

I've been wrestling with God lately. I am only human. I want to be told the sacrifices are worth it, that it's all going to be okay. I want to know what's required of me. This isn't the first time I've asked God this question. His answer always challenges me to the core of my being.

In the past I was struggling with anger at what I had believed was an unfair hand I had received in life. I felt like I deserved some kind of retribution for hurts that had been caused by others. At that time I asked God, what's required of me? He answered with Micah 6:8. It reads:

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

At that stage in life I found mercy difficult to give. What I wanted was vengance. God then showed me a scripture in John that says mercy will be shown to those who are merciful. Okay, I get it - show mercy, even to those who have caused me pain. What I found is mercy is a powerful force in this world, more powerful than vengance could ever be. Though it challenged me to the core of my being, it was a lesson that made me a better person and I can tell you with confidence that I would not be doing what I do today as a vocation if I hadn't of learned this lesson so deeply.

Back to the present - I am asking God again, what is required of me? I had a surprising answer. Again, it was a scripture that challenged me to the core of my being. This time found in I Peter 4:2. It reads:

so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God.

Ouch! That is asking everything. All my hopes for the future, all my ambitions, all my dreams, my desires (even the good ones that aren't about selfish gain) - everything. He doesn't want it tomorrow. He wants it now. Day to day. Every moment. Living the rest of my time on earth, however long that may be, not for my will but for His alone. To be honest the thought of it scares me. If I give all that up, what will the future look like? Am I brave enough to go in to the unknown and let Him guide me completely? Am I able to really surrender my will? The answer to these questions is uncertain, but I can tell you I am going to try. I wrote this post as a milestone, a marker, to put out there in the world my commitment to follow where God leads.

I tried to ignore this request, but it's been haunting me for weeks. This journey may take years. I imagine full submission will take the rest of my life (time in the flesh). But, bit-by-bit, I intend to surrender all.