My birth father had passed unexpectedly. I wrote about this in a post titled: "In rememberance..."
The dream for my life was becoming a distant memory as we had spent two years in the U.S., bought a house and planned to stay a while. I went through a time of serious grief as I mourned the loss of that dream and had nothing to take it's place, except for uncertainty. I wrote about this in a post titled: "in absentia"
The year brought more death, "In loving memory: Adra Irene Gettemy" and the continued heartache of remaining childless.
I don't have to tell anyone the kind of stress moving continents multiple times in a few short years, extended unemployment, and disappointing heartache can put on a marriage. At the beginning of 2012 it seemed like we were at our breaking point. Then unemployment struck again.
I needed a solid rock in the midst of life's storms. I needed peace that surpassed understanding. I chose the theme because such a peace felt unattainable, but I knew I desperately needed it. Nothing else was going to get me through the difficulties I was experiencing.
The scripture that guided the past year was Isaiah 26:3,4:
You [God] keep him [or her] in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord God is an everlasting rock
Looking back over the course of the year, I can tell you that my trust in God has grown deeper. I trust him to be my provider. I trust him to be my foundation and safety-net. I have come to trust him with my future and dreams.
I spent a series of weeks this year fasting (going without food and spending most of the day in solitude and prayer) on Sundays. I felt called to the task. I found the result to be an aligning of my will with His. Through the course of those weeks my perspective (and subsequently my attitude) changed. As these things changed, my behavior followed suit. Breakthroughs in my circumstances came, eventually, as well.
While I still do not have a defined purpose, I am finding joy in helping others discover their purpose, fanning the flame of their dreams, and interceding on their behalf. God has given me pictures of faces, folks that I have been working to build relationship with. He has given me encouraging words to share with others. When I share those words immediately, I am finding that it speaks to something they are going through at that moment - usually something they did not think anyone else knew about. God knew. He always knows.
When the heartache in my life seemed too much, I discovered I also needed to invest in friendships locally. While I had met a lot of people I liked a lot; my mentality was that, because I hoped to be leaving soon, it was just easier to keep relationships at a surface level in anticipation of saying good-bye. I realized I needed to build a network of support. I have been investing in friendships this year and have built the foundation for excellent friendships with a number of women. This has also served to help calm my restlessness. I expect these friendships to improve with age. God also gave me a group of sojourners to do life with. While the majority of the year was filled with disappointment, it ended with hope as we are embarking on a journey of discovery and service together.
Because it was clear we are staying a while. We invested in real estate. I wrote about this in a post titled: "a place to call 'home'" God asked me to do the unthinkable. Something so far outside of my comfort zone I wasn't sure I could even accomplish such a task. I felt completely unequipped and inadequate. He asked me to make a home for Kenyon and I. I wrote about this in the post titled: "what is a homemaker?"
While God was busy changing my heart and behaviors. While I was busy building supporting relationships, attempting to be an encouragement to others, and learn what it means to be a homemaker. A miracle happened. Our marriage was restored. I wasn't even sure such a thing was possible, but I am grateful that He is faithful despite my disbelief.
I expect storms will remain part of life. In the midst of the storms God proved to be an everlasting rock. I trust Him more today than I did yesterday, or in this case more this year than I did the previous year. While He is faithful, I am not. That is what I will be focusing on in 2013. More to come on that in a future post...
just Sheri, trusting the everlasting rock to provide peace in the midst of storms
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