Loyalty?

The American Heritage Dictionary defines loyalty as: A feeling or attitude of devoted attachment and affection.

Dictionary.com defines loyalty as: faithfulness to commitments or obligations.

I've been struggling with my loyalties. I love my job. I feel called to do this work. God made it very clear four years before I took this job that one day I would be working with women, children and HIV. I feel like this opportunity was the culmination of that promise.

However, my job requires me to travel nearly 2/3 of every year. It has become increasingly clear that I am a visitor in my home. I can't find anything and must ask Kenyon where the simplest items are located. When I put something in a place that makes sense to me, or leave something out, I am quickly reminded by my husband that things are out of their place. He isn't trying to be mean or rude. I am gone so much that I am a visitor in my home. That is not good.

In the 21 months we have lived in North Carolina my husband has been unemployed. If it hadn't of been for the economic collapse and the perpetual extension of unemployment benefits due to endless stimulus packages, he would not have an income. This fact is through no fault of his own. There are three major employers in our small town; two are in a hiring freeze and the other has been laying people off. Add to that race issues (there was an application that actually asked him to check a box if he's "negro" - what decade are they living in?!) and the employment situation feels hopeless. We miss the city life. The longer we are here, the more clear it is that we are not southern, mountain folk.

Next week Kenyon and I will be married two years. Two years ago I stood before God, friends and family and made a commitment to him - not to a job, not to an organization. My loyalty should be to him, that is what convention says, that is what logic says; but, that doesn't make the choice easy.

Two weeks ago I told my team that I will be leaving unless leadership allows me do my job from a city where my husband can pursue his own dreams. We told our landlord that we are moving out at the end of this lease (July 31). We don't know where we are going. I am still in negotiations with leadership in regard to options for the future. If something doesn't work out soon, we will go, trusting God that my calling is bigger than a single organization and that he will honor my commitment to my family.

My devotion, attachment, affection, commitment and obligation is to my family - which right now consists of my husband. This has not been an easy choice for me. In the end, I am (potentially) giving up something I love (my job) for something I love greater (my husband).

Please be praying for us as we explore next steps in a bad economy. This is a step of faith for us. A step based on principle. I am trusting that God will honor our obedience.