Foundations

I've been doing a lot of reading (for school, yes) but I am still reading some on my own. Since starting this relationship with Kenyon I have had some old feelings emerge. Feelings of uncertainty, vulnerability, distrust and fear. Things I had thought I had dealt with, but they have unexpectedly resurfaced. I called my old counselor, we haven't met for over a year, I wanted to know if she had any insight on what I might do to combat this. I ended up with some book suggestions; "Hiding from Love" by Townsend and "Lord, I want to Be Whole" by Stormie Omartian. I have only begun the second book, but the first book had some good lessons that I think everyone can benefit from:

LESSON ONE: We are created by God for relationship. We need other people, it is how we are made - like it or not, it's a fact.

LESSON TWO: We may create hiding patterns to protect ourselves from pain, legitimate pain. This is a healthy thing to do, rather than subject ourselves to the pain. BUT (that's a BIG but), when we take these hiding patterns with us to other relationships it is unhealthy. It ultimately isolates us from what we need most - relationship.

I have learned hiding patterns to protect myself from legitimate and very real pain. In order for my current relationship to work, and I want it to work, I need to unlearn these patterns. I need to be vulnerable. I shouldn't run away just because it's uncomfortable. If I choose to run away now, I will just keep running. It would be an unhealthy choice at this point. Okay, enough psycho-babble. I wrote all of this to share this uncertainty has grown my faith. I learned something about God in this. I grew up in the church and I've often heard sermons on how God is our rock and foundation, how he is our strength. I know the parable of the house built on sand and the one built on solid ground. I have recently learned how this applies to our relationships with others. I've been hurt and hurt deeply, but Christ is my foundation. He is the starting point on which I build relationship with others. Will they disappoint me? Likely, because they are human. Can I survive it? Absolutely. Security in my relationship with God helps me to take risks in my relationships with people. In my relationship with Christ I am standing on solid ground with no need to fear. Amazing!

And just so you don't worry...Kenyon is awesome; its not him, its me. He is being patient with me as I work through this. What a man!