Naming my fear

Earlier this year I wrote a post on paralyzing fear. Then a few weeks ago I was reading a book that challenged readers to name their fear, in order to overcome it.

I am taking it a step further - I am not only naming my fear, but I am posting it publicly for the whole world to see. Why? Because I refuse to let it have power over me any more.

What am I afraid of? Loss.

I have experienced some intense heartache over the years. Once upon a time I did meaningful work that consumed me. I loved my work and invested my whole self in it. I invested deeply in relationships. I was ALL in! Then I had to leave that work and those relationships. It broke my heart.

As if that wasn't tough enough, I had to do it again a couple of years later. Then again a year later, Then again a year after that. By the fourth time, I was already growing apprehensive of investing myself in meaningful work or relationships. But now, it is best categorized as a paralyzing fear.

Sure, I am dissatisfied with my "normal" life - waking each day to go to a job. Coming home to do it all again the next day. But, my fear of being ALL in and having that ripped from me again outweighs my discontent with normal.

Like a heartbroken teenager, I am scared to love again. I am scared to invest myself deeply and then be uprooted (again). I am scared to open myself up to relationships and then have to say good-bye (again), with  no idea when or where we will reunite. My heart is unsure it could love again like that. It is unsure if it would recover from such a fate.

But, when I look back at the relationships I built around the globe and the people and places that still hold a piece of my heart, I am reminded of Tennyson's poem (In Memoriam: 27, 1850): 

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all. 

2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline. 

What are you afraid of?

just Sheri, working to overcome fear

Where am I?

Recently, I attended a house warming party with my friend Vy. The food: Southeast Asian cuisine. The people: primarily Vietnamese. The entertainment: karaoke. The language: not English.

For a few moments, it took me back to my time living in Asia, where the restaurant next door would have karaoke four nights a week until the wee hours of the morning.

Then Vy showed up with a serving of dessert she had made. What was it? Flan. As in, the Latin American favorite...and a favorite of mine from childhood.

As I sat eating my flan and listening to karaoke (where I could not read or understand the lyrics), I thought to myself, "it's a wonderful life!"

Thank you, Vy, for sharing unique experiences like this with me.

just Sheri, gratefully transported to a different time and place

In Praise of Followers!

Want to know how change happens - how to start a movement? Check. This. Out.

Quotable Quotes: false promise(s) of materialism

"Money and things make three major promises that they cannot keep: the promise of happiness, significance, and security...when we become more secure with who we are in Christ, we don't need to impress others with our image but could serve them with our love." ~ Craig Groeschel

inspiring community

I have a friend, I call him "my prophet" because God has used him, on more than one occasion, to speak truth to me - especially when I didn't want to hear it. My friend has been going through a tough time of unemployment.

"The church" (meaning Christ followers) have done so much in this extended time of struggle - as an observer, it is encouraging to the heart. My friend visited a Sunday service and filled out a prayer card. As the weeks turned in to months, the pastor of that church called often to "check-in." My friend couldn't give money due to his circumstance and eventually moved to another state because he lost his housing in Virginia - the pastor kept calling.Why? Because he cares for people.

People, even those who never met my friend, gave money to help. Because they cared about those who are struggling.

When my friend moved to the new state he attended another Sunday service. This group welcomed in the stranger, not just to make him feel welcome, but when they heard of his plight - they gave up food and interceding on his behalf that God would intervene.

When my friend got a job and announced this news - this group cheered audibly and celebrated with him.

There was a church the Hubs and I attended for a number of months, and at the end of each service people would join hands and pray for one another - whoever was next to them, whatever the Spirit put on their heart. Near the end of prayer time, the pastor would say a similar prayer each week. There was one part that I will always remember, "God bless my neighbor...and help me celebrate their success as if it were my own."

When my friend announced his good news - a spontaneous celebration erupted on his behalf. When my friend described it to me, it brought tears to my eyes. How wonderful that there is a group who cares so compassionately for those in need.

just Sheri, celebrating (from a distance) the success of another