what makes a leader?

I was recently nominated for a leadership institute. The review committee sent a couple of questions to nominees. One asked, "what makes a leader?" Then we were supposed to describe how we fit that criteria. Thankfully, this answer was in writing, which gave me time to contemplate my answer and not just spew out the first thing that came to mind.

I found the process of defining a leader a useful exercise. For readers who may not know, I used to teach an undergraduate leadership course at the University of Kansas. I have spent years reading about leadership. Each year I attend the Leadership Summit as an annual ritual. So, it's not as if I haven't spent hours thinking about this topic before. What is interesting is how experience has continued to shape this definition. What is encouraging is how many exceptional leaders I have witnessed over the years.

So, I pose this question to you - what makes a leader? Specifically, what are the characteristics of a good leader?

just Sheri, a student of leadership

paralyzed by fear

Recently as part of my job I was spending a morning at a therapeutic horse ranch with a group of teenagers diagnosed with Autism. I learned quite a bit about the relationship between horses and humans, and the positive affect this relationship can have on kids with disabilities That's not what I left thinking about.

Horses are powerful beings, both in strength and ability. But, they have some instinctual fears. So, if a tarp is laid on the ground, they are afraid to step on it. Through the trusting relationship with the human guide they will work through this fear.

I am like that horse. I have fears - maybe because of past experience or maybe for no reason at all. These fears may stop me in my tracks, paralyzing me from moving forward. Thankfully, I have a guide. My Heavenly Father has walked me through many situations that later I look back on and think "why was I so afraid?"

What fear has you paralyzed? Who has been your guide through past fears?


just Sheri, aware of my own limitations

mystery novel

Last year for my birthday one of my husband's coworkers gave me a book. The book is about women of confidence living an adventure. I considered the gift a mystery - what does the Hubs say about me when I am not in the room? why would someone I never met give me this gift? was God trying to tell me something?

I finished the book a few months ago, but the message continues to speak to me. I am "ruined for normal life." It isn't enough for me to have a job with influence and an impressive title. It doesn't matter how much is in my bank account or if my investments are going up and to the right. I don't care if my neighborhood is considered desirable or if I am dressed for success. These things matter not.

What am I doing that matters for eternity? Am I investing in relationships with people? Do they know that they are not alone in their struggles? Have I shown love and kindness? Are my actions pleasing to the God of the universe? These are the questions I obsess over.

I used to wake up daily (in my old life) and think, "this is why I am here (on earth)!" I don't have many of those days any more. I mostly think, "ugh, I gotta get ready to go to my job." I no longer feel my profession is a calling, it is simply a necessity. Let me qualify that with the fact that I have a really good job. I have the kind of job that many people dream about. So, when I have these thoughts I feel ungrateful and a bit like a complainer.

My brother and aunt concluded my problem is that my old life was so amazing that this one, which is still pretty amazing, seems lesser in comparison. Those comparisons are my problem. My life no longer appears adventurous or purposeful. But, in the end that is a matter of perspective and life is what we make of it.

My mystery novel has been a reference tool helping me change my perspective. The author says, "All of us will die someday. It's what we do with the days between now and then that matters. Those are the days of living the adventure."

Since returning to America, there is a scripture verse I often reference and it is in line with this theme:

I Peter 4:2
so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God.


This is true anywhere on earth and under any circumstances. I try to give blessings each day, no matter where I am placed and whether or not I think things are going my way. I leave the results to the One who knows what I cannot know and sees what I cannot see.

just Sheri, living in the mystery

what separates the indigenous from the wanna-be

My friend Phim and I have had an ongoing conversation in recent months about the things that separate the indigenous from the wanna-be.  In this discussion, I am the wanna-be and Phim was born and raised on a rice farm in Laos.

Today, she is more fond of air conditioning, soft beds, hot showers and ice than I. While I learned to live without all of these things and could do it again, there is a line I cannot cross.

This discussion started one day at the check-out line of Global Foods. A woman in front of me had placed Salmon on the check-out conveyor belt. Now, like me, you may think that purchasing Salmon at the grocery store means purchasing a filet of fish. Perhaps, if you are adventurous you would purchase the whole fish to cook, but intend to eat the filet. A salmon purchase at Global Foods is different. There is no filet. Instead there is a tail, some scales or fatty stuff and the package always includes the salmon head with it's beady eyes looking right at you.

This is what separates the indigenous from the wanna-be. I don't have a clue what to do with that package of items that in any other circumstance I would discard. Phim can tell you a list of dishes to make with those pieces...her favorite being a soup concoction.

We continue to have this conversation as circumstances or food items present themselves. One thing that separates the indigenous from the wanna-be is Balut. What is Balut? It is a fertilized egg. Again, any red blooded American would consider this inedible and throw it out - but in many parts of the world (Europe and Asia) it is a food item.

At work we have been participating in site visits for the last few weeks. This means we go from organization to organization and do tours and ask questions.  At one of the site visits the tour led us outside. The leader of the tour is in management at the organization, Phim and I follow, then another agency manager is bringing up the rear of the tour. The person in front sees a bird nest and the little chicks have gone SPLAT on the cement. She says, "Awww, watch out for the little birds."

Phim, who is following immediately behind, says, "Awww."

I come up to the death scene behind Phim and say, "What do you mean 'awww'? You eat this."

She smacks me HARD. The guy behind me hears what I said, sees the death scene and asks the obvious question, "WHAT?!" 

Phim and I then explain about the delicacy known as Balut. He nearly looses his lunch because he is laughing so hard. We all got a good laugh. In fact, just retelling the story can send Phim and I in to fits of laughter.

When it comes to Balut, I am a total wanna-be.

just Sheri, accepting my boundaries

a place to call "home"

I have been told a few times, "Sheri, I am surprised you bought a home."

Or, I have been asked, "why?"

There are financial considerations - low interest rates, rock bottom prices, a tax-deduction and what I call "rent control" (meaning no annual increase on rent pricing).

There are space considerations - I was limited on how many guests I could have at our apartment and we really had no space for overnight guests.

But, mostly it was emotional considerations. Kenyon prefers a place to call home and I needed to end the "transitional" feeling.  It was NOT good for my psyche to live in an apartment where I felt like I could pick up and leave at any time...mostly because I really wanted to pick up and leave. Mentally, I needed to feel like I was staying in a place.

I recently shared this with my Uncle who then shared a scripture with me.  This was originally given to the Jews, but as their decedent I am claiming it too.

2 Samuel 7:9, 10
I [God] have been with you wherever you have gone...And I will provide a place for my people and will plant them so they can have a home of their own and no longer be disturbed...


That is my prayer for our home. That it will be established by God, for a purpose. That it will be a peaceful place, a place of rest - where we, as well as others, can come and no longer be disturbed. There are plenty of disturbing things in this world, peaceful places are too few and far between.

just Sheri, praying God will establish our home