The greatest gift...ever!

I have a good friend, Elaine. We have known each other for approximately 10 years. I love her dearly. We have so much history together. We don't need to go through long explanations, because we already know each others story - instead we are just catching up and sharing memories.

We worked together when Elaine was pregnant with her first child. I called her "my test case." She shared with me her highs and lows of pregnancy, her deepest secrets and fears. When her daughter was born, I was in the waiting room with the family. I felt like family. When her daughter was still very young it was discovered that she had a kidney problem and surgery was required. I walked through this experience with Elaine. I visited the hospital after surgery. Her daughter was hooked to an IV, very scared, and in pain. The only thing that could comfort her was her mother, my friend. It was a beautiful scene of love. My longings to become a mother became undeniable that day. I was 26 years old and in an unhappy marriage (this will come as a second surprise to some of you). I decided it would be a selfish choice to bring a child in to such a dysfunctional environment, it was one thing for me to live there (stay there) due to the commitment I had made, but I wouldn't bring a child in to it. As a result, I prevented pregnancy. In the end, I could not stay in the marriage. Elaine walked through that experience with me.

When Elaine became pregnant with her second child she gave me the best gift I've ever received - the best! She asked me to be in the delivery room with her and her husband. I got to witness a miracle from the front row seat. My job was to take photographs, I wasn't just there as an observer. After her son was born, the nurses took him to be weighed. I looked at my friend who had just been through so much pain in her delivery. She was looking at her son with an expression of pure love. He was just born and she loved him completely. I was moved to tears. I took a picture of that moment and that picture still makes me emotional. I instintually think of that day every February 8.

Elaine spent the entire day with me when I married Kenyon, was my photographer at the wedding, and our witness on the legal documentation. When we moved away from Kansas City Elaine and I had a tearful good-bye and she said, "I always thought I'd get to be there when you are pregnant." I had thought so, too.

That was three years ago, I am still not pregnant.

Getting Personal

On this blog, I have shared bits about my life - usually public events or some personal reflections related to literature or things I see through my work. This post is going to be more personal than normal. I have decided to make something public that I have kept private for many years. There is a select group that already know what I am about to say, for some, this may be surprising. I have hinted at it from time to time on this blog. What is it? I want a child. I want it more than I want anything else in this world. I want desperately to be a mother.

When I was younger and my professional ambitions were more pronounced, people often assumed I was more interested in a career than a family. I let them assume this because I didn't want to talk about my painful longings that went unmet. I haven't bothered to correct these assumptions...it is just easier that way, because I can't talk about it without tears. Truth be told, I would exchange income, title, and position in the professional world for the chance to be "mom." From time to time other professional women have told me similar stories of painful longings and the judgements that come when a woman is advancing in years, but hasn't had children yet. Be careful not to assume, sometimes circumstances are not by choice!

The remainder of this week I am going to address this issue from personal experience...

Haircut - Mozambique style

I think I could fill a whole photo album of pictures of Kenyon getting a haircut. There is the photo in Jamaica from our cruise vacation. That event made the top ten list for our second year wedding anniversary. He still talks about it.

Then there is the haircut in Virginia.

Since I already have a theme going, why not add to it? Here is a photo taken on my blackberry documenting Kenyon's first haircut in Mozambique. At this baber shop, they even provide a head massage. Nice!

unplugged

I am at week long meetings at a retreat center. I will have limited access to internet. Come back next week for new posts.

Nelspruit, South Africa

I am a bit behind on posting pictures. At the end of April, Kenyon and I went with the wonderful Whitlock family to Nelspruit, South Africa. We heart hangin' with the Whitlock's!

Visiting Nelspruit was like visiting another world. I haven't seen so many ammenities in months! We had some fun at the arcade outside the movie theater. The next night we went to a movie - Iron Man 2. Disappointing, in my opinion.

Dance, dance, revolution - go, boss man, go!

Shopping. Clothes. Accessories. I was most impressed by the specialty items. When I am usually struggling just to find any variety of cheese or basic ingredients for a meal, the last think I am thinking of is fudge or chocolate covered anything. Wow!

Our favorite treat that weekend - McD's apple pie. Yum! This looks like an advertisement doesn't it?

Nelspruit will definitely be a regular escape for us...a few hours on the other side of the border and it's like being transported to another world.