Burnout

I've been thinking a lot about burnout lately. Why? Because the department I am in charge of has been in existence for 5 years. We celebrated our 5 years of service on Dec. 1. In that time, there has been four directors, plus a year when there was no director and the VP was running the department until they hired one. If you do the math on that, folks haven't stuck around very long. I think the longest tenure was a year and some months. She describes the time as exhausting. Her body and soul are weary. That doesn't bode well for me. I've been thinking a lot about how to change that. How can I guard against burnout? That is the question of the century. I know many people, especially those in ministry, asking that same question and still not coming up with an answer. I have a friend writing a book on the topic. It will likely be a best seller. I'll need to pick up a copy.

Here is the only conclusion I've come to so far. I can't do it alone. If it were up to me, I would work myself in to the ground and not quit until my body just gave out. That's my tendency, I've done it before. This is a demanding job. It is physically demanding, half the time I don't even know what time zone I'm in. I just have to trust the clock that it is 8pm if it says 8pm, because my body no longer knows. When I'm in the field I work 12-16 hour days. When I come back to the office, the work has piled up and it takes whatever energy I have just to stay afloat. This job is also spiritually demanding. It is impossible to see the desperate conditions of people's lives around the world and not take that home with you. In waking and sleeping hours I see the faces of women and children I have met at different stops. They haunt me. They are my motivation and the reason for my work and I cannot forget them. Their burden has become my burden. I am convinced the day I stop caring about them and their circumstances is the day I need to quit. Love should be my motivation or the work we do is without merit. That may be true, but it isn't an easy task.

I am trying to put up safeguards to ward against burnout:

• Boundaries: Leave work at work, be present in the moments of life. It is hard to do both of these things. My job has given me a Blackberry phone. I call it "the electronic leash." It goes off at all hours of the night and day. Kenyon hates it. In fact, every spouse at my work has made disparaging comments about the Blackberry their husband or wife was assigned. I am fighting the compulsion to respond 24/7, just because it goes off doesn't mean I need to answer at 4am. But more than that it is a mental battle. I must drop the work stuff mentally when I'm not at work. I need to give people my full attention and not always be thinking about all the things I need to get done for work.
• spiritual disciplines: I learned in my time of employment at the church that I must draw on God's strength in order to survive. Without it, I get tired, cynical and rather irritable. It is crucial that I spend regular time with God, that he is guiding my decisions, and the source of my strength. My relationship with the Creator gives me perspective. It reminds me of priorities. Without it, the demands of the job become overwhelming very quickly.

Kenyon keeps me walking the straight and narrow. If work infringes too much on my family time, he lets me know. If I'm being irritable, or as he says "having an attitude," it is quickly called to my attention. I don't always like it, but I appreciate the help. Without it I'd be on the fast track to burnout. In the long run, that isn't where I want to be. I'm in this for the long-haul. I want to finish the race. There is plenty of stuff to distract me from that goal, but I am committed to it and do what I can to fulfill my part.

Count your blessings...

This probably would have been a more appropriate Thanksgiving post, but, like I said, Thanksgiving snuck up on me, so my list of things I'm thankful for is coming a little late.

Matthew 5:6 says, "Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires: God will satisfy them fully!"

As a young person I made a choice that what I wanted more than anything was to please God. I am convinced we are each created with a divine purpose and I set out to find mine. The journey has involved pain and suffering. It has included unpredictable twists and turns. Where I am today doesn't look anything like I thought it would. Yet, I am satisfied. Rather, than having to ask what the meaning to life is or why I am on earth - I have discovered something amazing. I have a purpose that supercedes my job title, employer or level of responsibilty. My purpose is to share hope with the hopeless, to bring light in to dark places, and to be a representative of God's love. When I let God do with me what He will, He led me to unexpected places and brought me to a place of contentment. I am blessed because I know why I am on earth. I am doubly blessed because I have someone to share it with. Does that mean that financial set-backs cease, that conflict disappears, and I get everything I want? Absolutely not! But, whatever the circumstance, I am satisfied.

What are your blessings?

Fate or Providence?

Life is full of strange coincidences that often seem like more than just a coincidence. I've had many of these in my life. So many in fact that I've often pondered the idea of fate. What is fate? Do I believe in it? Are these coincidences fate or something more? As a person of faith, I believe it is something more. The best word I can think of to describe this is Providence. In the dictionary, Providence is defined as: the foreseeing care and guidance of God or nature over the creatures of the earth. Do I believe there is a God that is looking out for us? Do I believe this God has a plan for our lives? Do I believe God created us for a unique purpose? Yes, I believe these things. I believe in Providence over fate because the concept involves more than just happenstance.

Why am I bringing this up? Because, tonight is one of those times I am pondering the concept of fate. Fate did not bring my husband and I together, Providence did. We saw each other in a public place. Though we noticed one another we left without a conversation and no way to reconnect. He went home and prayed that we would meet again. About a month later, we saw each other again in a public place. Two weeks later we had lunch and I knew instantly that we would be married, exactly one year later we were. There is a little girl at the orphanage in India who I connected with on my first visit. She isn't outgoing, in fact she is rather quite and wouldn't be one of the kids you would expect to stick out in a crowd of hundreds. I saw her and we connected. A soul kind of connection. I saw this little girl as family. At the time I knew I couldn't take her home. I was single and didn't live a life conducive to child rearing. Kenyon met this girl during our wedding in India and he felt the same way. He often says, "She's special. She's our little girl." We aren't ready to begin the adoption process today, but we will likely take these steps in the coming year.

I am the Director of the HIV/AIDS initiatives for a large international relief organization. I do this work because I am passionate about the cause and I believe in making a difference in the lives of those infected with or affected by HIV/AIDS. I have committed my life to this effort. Tonight I learned that our little girl is an orphan because her parents died of AIDS.

Is that fate or Providence? You decide.

Ebola virus

I was in Washington D.C. on Friday reading the Washington post. There was an article on the recent outbreak of the Ebola virus in Uganda. It talked about the danger to health workers and the quick spread of the disease. Ebola doesn't have a cure and it can be an unpleasant death. I looked at the region and prayed our staff was safe.

Today, I was told by the Uganda leadership that the HIV staff have been evacuated from the Kamwenge district. The Ebola virus is spreading in the country. Though it has only been identified in the western part of the country, there have been decisions by the Ministry of Health to close down clinics serving the public even in the east.

I don't pretend to understand infectious disease, but I know enough to know that an outbreak of Ebola is a very bad thing. Closing health clinics creates a whole new kind of health crises. Please pray for this country, for our staff, and for the Ministry of Health leadership as they work to stop the spread of Ebola in Uganda.

There are plenty of times I would like the what I read in the news to become part of my life...winning the lottery for instance (though I'd have to play to win). This was not one of the times that I wished to have such a personal connection to the news.

Pomegranate part dieu

We bought two pomegranates. I shared one with Kenyon (the subject of a previous post). I'll give you one guess who ate the second pomegranate. HINT: it wasn't me...

You guessed it. Kenyon, the man who said he didn't care if he ever ate another. It so hard to resist that juicy fruit. Bet you can't eat just one!