travel essential: be flexibile

I was recently reminded of the importance of flexibility. I am referring to a type of attitude or trait needed for successful international travel experience - especially in the developing world.

In October/November of this year, I had the opportunity to return India - a country that has enchanted me.

Photo of a woman on the street in Yelamanchili

As soon as I exited the plane, my heart felt full to overflowing. My dad, who is often my travel companion, said it was like I was "glowing." It had been six years since I had returned, and I was super happy to be back. I love visiting India. I cherish time with my mentor and "Indian Daddy" who lives there.

My "Indian Daddy" and my adopted dad and frequent travel companion

I love our dear friends in southeast India, and I am honored to be mommy, sister, and friend to hundreds of children who live there. These have held a special place in my heart for a decade.

Some young ladies from Light of Love Children's Home - including Chandini, the girl we tried to adopt.

However, I was quickly reminded of one very important travel essential: flexibility.

Cyclone HudHud hit southern India just two weeks before our scheduled arrival. Though we were told it would not affect our travel plans, I am a seasoned enough traveler to suspect that we were embarking on a bit more of an adventure than originally intended. My suspicions were accurate.

Sign at Visakhapatnam (Visag) International Airport

Our international flights from into India were cancelled as a result of storm damage to the airport. We were unaware of a change in our travel plans until we tried to board the flight from Dubai to India. We weren't stranded, but it did take some effort and patience to figure out that our flight itinerary had been rerouted to an in-country destination first, in order to reach our final destination in Visag as domestic passengers.

When we arrived in Hyderbad, our transit location, there were airline staff waiting to guide us through customs, the ticketing process, security, and to the awaiting plane. The plane that took us from Hyderbad to Visag was full and had been waiting for nearly an hour - for us. I was happy that scheduled departures are flexible, rather than rigid, because it meant we did not miss our flight. I was also grateful for the helpful airline staff and the hospitality we were shown during transit.

Once we arrived at our destination, power was intermittent due to damaged power lines from the storm. We had generator power available, but could not run it 24/7. One of the planned activities during the trip was a dental clinic for the kids. We didn't cancel our plans because power was inconsistent,; rather, we did our work with hand tools by head lamp.

Dental Clinic: without power

Incidentally, we also completed the dental clinic a day early and decided to spend our "found time" by taking 100 young people to the beach.

Fun at the Bay of Bengal

So, when traveling internationally, I recommend one important travel essential:be flexible. It's better that way.

Just Sheri, enjoying the adventure

memories are the BEST gifts

The Hubs and I spent this Christmas in Oklahoma City with my brother, sister-in-law, and adopted dad. I figure the last time we had Christmas together was somewhere around the turn of the century.

 

One of my great joys in being a recovering expat is that I have been able to spend more time with these precious people. In recent years we have met up in South Carolina, Colorado, New Mexico and Florida. We took a Carribbean cruise. They have come to visit us in Virginia and we celebrated milestones.

 

This year they gave me an excellent Christmas gift. What's that? The gift of shared memories. My literal gift was a ticket to a Thunder game (Yes, Oklahoma City has an NBA team). But, we shared meals and laughs. We had dance parties until the wee hours of the morning. We came up with creative ways to cook meals, as the kitchen in their new home is under construction. We made memories...together. To me, those moments are priceless and make up a meaningful life.

Sure, there are many times I still long for the former days when I globe trotted with a purpose. However, that life comes with incredible sacrifice - one of those sacrifices was time spent away from loved ones.

I consider moments spent with these people a gift. And, while I am already missing them greatly as I am on the east coast and they are in the mid-west of the United States, I cherish our times together.

Wishing each of you a holiday season full of wonderful memories with loved ones.

just Sheri, making new memories

Congrats!

Today, my brother was sworn in. It's official - we have an attorney in the family. He worked hard for that giant piece of paper.

 

just Sheri, a proud sister

marital communication 601: familiar voice

I've noticed something in recent months, my husband and I have been married long enough now that I recognize his voice anywhere. He can call without introducing himself, even without the assistance of caller ID I know it is him by voice alone. We can be in the company of a group and I can locate him simply by the sound of his voice, which to my ears is distinct among a crowd.

There are others in my life that have a distinct voice - my adopted dad for instance. I know my mom's voice on the phone, but in a family crowd she sounds like some of her sisters. My brother's voice sounds to me a lot like our biological father's. But, it is all in the family and there is a comfort in the familiarity of their voice.

I suspect there is a level of intimacy a relationship reaches when one's voice becomes this familiar to us. God wants us to know him in that way too. There is a story in John 10: 1-5 about sheep knowing their shepherd's voice, in this story we are the sheep and he is the shepherd:

"Let me set this before you as plainly as I can. If a person climbs over or through the fence of a sheep pen instead of going through the gate, you know he’s up to no good—a sheep rustler! The shepherd walks right up to the gate. The gatekeeper opens the gate to him and the sheep recognize his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he gets them all out, he leads them and they follow because they are familiar with his voice. They won’t follow a stranger’s voice but will scatter because they aren’t used to the sound of it.”

just Sheri, listening for the sound of a familiar voice

Lessons from my father

I could write a whole book about all I have learned from the man I consider my father. He has taught me about car maintenance, cooking, how to be a person of character, how to serve others, and so much more. Much of this was by demonstration rather than lecture. What is really amazing is that he is not my birth father - but he has been just like a father should be.

Most recently I have been grateful to him for the lessons he taught me on financial responsibility. He has a terrible distaste for debt and while his job as a manual laborer never earned him a high salary, nor paid benefits, he always had savings and was generous with others.

Today, there are two primary things I do with the money I earn: 1) I save and 2) I give.

Because that is what he taught me to do.

I haven't had a credit card balance in over 15 years. I have a credit card and I use my credit card, but I never carry a balance. In fact, in all those years I have not paid a single dollar in fees or interest to any credit card provider because I pay off the balance before the bill is due.

Other than our mortgage, I have no debt. We bought both of our cars used and with cash.

I consider myself frugal, but not cheap. What's the difference? I will still splurge on a nice evening out with the Hubs. At least once a year I take a vacation that includes exotic destinations. But frugality is a lifestyle. The majority of the furniture in our home is used, with a few newer pieces purchased from discount stores/vendors. When we take a cruise vacation I opt for an inside cabin rather than paying hundreds more for a balcony room. Travel destinations often include visiting friends, which means we can save money by staying with them rather than paying for a hotel (granted, I am lucky enough to have friends who live in places like Australia, China, Dubai, and South Africa).

My father taught me to be prudent with my hard earned dollars. To live within my means. To save for the future and things I want. I am grateful to him, because putting these lessons in to practice has brought financial freedom, regardless of the salary I receive.

Last year when the Hubs was unemployed for a series of months, we were fine because we had savings. I am now facing the very real possibility of unemployment by fall. I was talking to my father about this reality and discussing options for the future. During the conversation I thanked him for teaching me how to manage money, it is a gift that has served me well in life.

Because he is my dad and he loves me, he also said, "if things get too rough, you always have a home with me."

just Sheri, daddy's girl

storyteller

In my homeland of New Mexico there is a common image - the Native American storyteller. There are variations on the theme; but it is basically a woman, surrounded by children with her mouth open because she is telling a story. Something like this.

Photo via The Children's Museum of Indianapolis (Wikimedia Commons)

Well, I recently participated in a real life reinactment.

Actually, I really like this picture and I am glad someone captured this moment. Recently, I have been surrounded by families and welcomed in to their lives in very meaningful and intimate ways.

While I may not have children of my own...to run round and round and round the dining table....or duck behind the couch because they just can't resist crawling in the space between it and the wall...or slide on the wood floor in their socks...or be amazed at the small trampoline in the basement...to color with or read to. Other people have kids that will come to my house and make the space a play zone or leave pretty pictures that they colored.

I am honored these families have invited me in to their lives and I like the frenzy of activity and creativity their children bring to our home.

Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."



just Sheri, looking forward to the next storytime

Fall Activities

Obviously I am a bit behind in updating the blog, but life hasn't slowed down. Here are some of the highlights from the fall season.

I took a road trip with these lovely ladies to Colonial Williamsburg.

It was Ms. Josephine in white that opened my eyes to the ways Americans lock themselves in their homes creating a voluntary prison.

At a dinner party I was reminded how our palletes are influenced by what we are exposed to...this young man was dunking sushi in soy sauce the way most kids dunk chicken nuggets in ketchup.

Kenyon and I spent some time exploring the District. We went to a Smithsonian museum known as "the castle." I am sure you can see why from the picture.

We also made a stop at the botanic garden. Which is where I learned about carnivorous plants.

The botanic garden is across the street from the capital building. I took a picture because it was looking particularly regal that day. Each time I see the capital building, I still feel like I am having a celebrity sighting. I want to say, "Hey look, there's the capital!"

My dear friend Phim took me to the fish market at the wharf. I felt like I had been transported back to Psar Toul Tom Poun in Phnom Pen, Cambodia.

Every year I set aside time to participate in the Global Leadership Summitt. This year the destination was Kansas City. I had the privilege of participating in the annual event with one of my sister friends. This was a photo from dinner with ladies who encourage and inspire me.

While Kenyon was between jobs, we took some time to date (again). This photo is from a double date with Joyce and Victor at the National Harbor.

Another date was an inaugural visit to the county fair. We saw lots of curiosities - a fuzzy chicken, acrobats, and this...fried Kool-Aid. We didn't order any, but I do wonder what that is all about. Can anyone explain this to me?

I also took a trip with my adopted dad to a warmer climate.

These are just a few of the fall activities that occupied my time, and the people who make life enjoyable.

just Sheri, blessed with wonderful memories and relationships

Fitness Vacay

My family came to visit this summer. The first full day we walked nearly a marathon while exploring the District. 

The next day we went kayaking on the reservoir. The third day we went hiking in the Shenandoah mountains. At this point the fatigue was setting in. My brother branded it a "fitness vacay." 

For relaxation, we went to the (very unique) Rivershore for fresh crabs and chicken wings. At the end of a few days, it was surprising how much we had fit in to a short time! 

It was so nice to have family come for a visit. It was also nice to have a house where every couple had a bedroom, and their own bathroom. Though we also tested the limits of the new house and found the plumbing to be problematic. The day family left - a plumber arrived.

just Sheri, grateful for a visit from family

ongoing negotiations

I've been trying to negotiate with God for an extended period of time (years). When I left my dream job where I was doing work that I believed to be meaningful, with people that I cared about deeply - I started negotiating with God.

Okay, God, I will walk away from this if I could be a mom. This seemed a reasonable option to me because I viewed it as an acceptable trade-off. I was still working for the same organization in a different role that I thought prioritized my family over work...hoping that our family would grow. This was in 2009.  I've changed jobs and locations since, each time asking God to grant my request. Years later we remain childless.

There have been times I begged God to take away the desire to be a mother because it is too painful to keep hoping. He has not granted this request either.

The end of 2011 I went to a medical professional and asked the question - is there a biological reason this isn't happening? Why haven't I been able to conceive? Her answer was even more painful than expected. There is no explanation. I should be able to...but haven't. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?Why? Why?

I don't have an answer and none of my attempts have worked. Since my medical visit I believe God has told me I will be a mom - through a vivid dream and the words of others. Weeks after going to the doctor I had a dream I was pregnant, it was as if I was experiencing all the changes I have heard a body goes through during that time. I believe God told me to trust Him for my future. In waking hours I chalked the dream up to having "baby" on the brain. Then a friend I met through my previous work told me she felt like she needed to tell me I am going to be a mom. She lives in a different state and didn't even know I had been to the doctor or had the dream. A few weeks later I was with a group from church. After a time of prayer, a man I hardly know came up to me and said, "have you been trying to have kids?" I think he knew the answer from my face as my eyes involuntarily well up with tears every time it is mentioned.

He said, "I feel God wants you to know it is going to happen."

Months later, it still hasn't. Recently Kenyon and I decided to try the adoption option again. I have begun the research phase, gathering as much information as I can so we can make an informed decision - hopefully with a successful outcome (this time). I don't think either of us would recover well from another failed attempt. Chandani's picture remains on our fridge reminding us of the pain of a broken heart and unfulfilled dreams. She is our little girl that we could not bring home.

just Sheri, risking in spite of fear

a place to call "home"

I have been told a few times, "Sheri, I am surprised you bought a home."

Or, I have been asked, "why?"

There are financial considerations - low interest rates, rock bottom prices, a tax-deduction and what I call "rent control" (meaning no annual increase on rent pricing).

There are space considerations - I was limited on how many guests I could have at our apartment and we really had no space for overnight guests.

But, mostly it was emotional considerations. Kenyon prefers a place to call home and I needed to end the "transitional" feeling.  It was NOT good for my psyche to live in an apartment where I felt like I could pick up and leave at any time...mostly because I really wanted to pick up and leave. Mentally, I needed to feel like I was staying in a place.

I recently shared this with my Uncle who then shared a scripture with me.  This was originally given to the Jews, but as their decedent I am claiming it too.

2 Samuel 7:9, 10
I [God] have been with you wherever you have gone...And I will provide a place for my people and will plant them so they can have a home of their own and no longer be disturbed...


That is my prayer for our home. That it will be established by God, for a purpose. That it will be a peaceful place, a place of rest - where we, as well as others, can come and no longer be disturbed. There are plenty of disturbing things in this world, peaceful places are too few and far between.

just Sheri, praying God will establish our home

culture shock: I am watching my show

The other day my brother called. I was having a lazy day and catching up on a favorite TV series online. He asked if this was a bad time since I was watching my show. I laughed, mostly because the thought of such a thing was absurd to me. TV more important than people? Especially when I can pause it or watch it later online.

Do people really do that? Apparently. My brother said he doesn't take it personally.

In a week, will I even remember what the show, that was so important, was about? Probably not. In a month, will it even matter? Likely no, as the world moved on to more current events. Will the time missed with loved ones due to prioritizing television matter a week, month, or year from now? Absolutely. Relationships are built (or lost) on interpersonal connection.

One of the things that has me shaking my head in wonderment is the way American lives revolve around television. Television is the hearth of the home. Television is the primary source of entertainment. It is as if American's live through watching other people's lives (fiction or near-fiction often called "reality"). When did it become acceptable to disregard real people for those we are likely never to know?

I am sure this view is considered "old-fashioned" by some. Once again I am feeling like the woman that time forgot, as I am often displaced in my culture.

just Sheri, choosing real people over fiction

In loving memory: Adra Irene Gettemy

Last week I attended the funeral of my adopted grandma - Adra Irene Gettemy. Known to me as Grandma Gettemy. I will always remember her for her hospitality and generosity. Grandma Gettemy had a long life - she was 97 years old. She had a good life - married for 60 years to a man she loved and alive long enough to be known by some of her great-grandchildren.

Her last few years were characterized by pain, discomfort and discontent. She was ready to go. While she will be missed dearly, the memorial service was a celebration of a life well-lived.

just Sheri, hoping I've met my quota of funerals for a while

lost in the Caymans...

The end of February I joined a few of my family members on a cruise vacation. One of our ports was the Cayman Islands. This destination is part of the British Commonwealth. Why does that matter? Because they speak English.

One would think getting around in an English speaking country  would be easy, right? One would think...

As soon as we got off the ship we spoke with a taxi company at the pier. Our goal was to spend the day at a beach. Simple enough. The taxi representative told us, for a reduced price a tour bus driver would drop us at the beach site at the beginning of the tour. On the bus we go, but the driver doesn't stop until quite a bit later. The bus unloads in a place called Hell. At this point we speak with the driver and learn our desired location is five miles behind us. We could continue the tour as his unintended captives or make our way be city bus in a strange city to an unfamiliar destination. 

We chose the bus.

Thankfully, the city bus driver took us directly to the beach where we enjoyed lunch and sunshine.

I share this story because these are the things I miss about the overseas life. My heart longs for something you may not expect - I miss mystery meals because the waiter didn't understand my order and brought me what they thought I wanted. I miss getting lost in unfamiliar territory. Mis-communication is such a common occurrence in other lands. When traveling abroad these were a constant source of amusement for me. While others were often frustrated, I was enjoying the adventure (usually with a hearty laugh). In America, there is no mystery when placing my order at a restaurant, the waiter is likely to bring exactly what I requested. In America, I drive myself and have GPS in my car and on my phone. This means I rarely get off the beaten path and I have no chance of ending up in a place other than my desired location. Sure there were moments when living an uncertain reality was exhausting; but, it kept life interesting! 

While living overseas - every chore, every errand, every day was an adventure; often these unexpected experiences created the best memories...sort of like hitching a city bus ride out of Hell in the Cayman Islands.

just Sheri, enjoying the memories/adventure along the journey of life

In rememberance...

This week my birth dad would have celebrated his 56th birthday. But in January, his children, siblings and friends attended a memorial service to commemorate the end of his life instead.

I spent most of the previous three decades estranged from this man. But, I still remember him with fondness. He never met a stranger - everyone was a friend. He had a LARGE laugh and was often joking. He was passionate about the gold industry; where he built his career. He always wanted to be a father of four...he left behind four children, two boys and two girls - of which I am the oldest. His life dream was to own a Dunkin Donuts franchise. When I was a young girl he attended the training to explore the possibility and the last time I saw him in November he was still talking about this as a life dream. When he found something he really liked, he wanted to share it with everyone he knows.

Death of a loved one is never easy. Death by suicide leaves lives fragmented.

In memory of David Stacy...

This photo was taken while touring the gold mine where he worked.

Thanksgiving 2011

For the Thanksgiving holiday this year I did not have to cook a turkey - for that I am thankful! Kenyon was on-duty at the hospital and he and the other nurses were having a feast. He requested enchiladas, that was an easy request to fill. When the enchiladas were done, I got in the car and drove to Chesapeake Bay to meet up with the Williams family. They had won time at a waterfront property in a silent auction, I benefited from their charity.

I had never been to Chesapeake Bay before, though the name was familiar. What was amazing to me is how close it is to where we live, but how it felt like it was worlds away. A true retreat.

Angela and her sister-in-law Karen had prepared a feast...and beautified the table with clippings from outside.

I got to hang with young people that I don't get to see as much as I'd like.

I am thankful for a Thanksgiving with a family I love and for the experiences they have, and continue to, share with me.

just Sheri, blessed by friendship

in absentia

Maybe you've been wondering where I have been recently. Not many original blog posts in recent months, then suddenly none at all.

What happened? A LOT.

The best way to describe the events of recent months is mourning...I have been in mourning. In ancient times I would have been dressed in sackcloth and covered in ashes. In our modern times, I woke-up each morning. Dressed for work. Went through the motions of my day and went home. Few knowing what was happening beneath the exterior.

What have I been mourning?


I have been mourning the loss of my life's dream(s). Yes, I have mentioned the grieving and uncertainty on this blog before. But, I had been unwilling to let it go. I kept hoping that someday, somehow it would revive...then I could return as if I had never left. Then I got an answer from God that I wasn't ready to hear. Let it DIE.


I didn't want to. I hung on. It seemed like everything I read for weeks - fiction, non-fiction, scripture, non-scripture - over and over I received the same message. Let it DIE.


I could have easily accepted an extended delay. Or, perhaps, even a re-packaging. But, death? Death is so final.

The message is clear. I am to let my dream DIE.


Why? I still don't know the answer to that single question, but I have received my marching orders and am holding on to the hope in John 12:24.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, 

unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; 
but if it dies, it bears much fruit."

Someday, I hope to see the fruit of this difficult choice.

In the midst of an emotional journey, while Encore posts were running on this blog and our one year in the US anniversary came and went. Holiday's were celebrated globally, etc, etc, etc...another major event happened.. Someone died.


Just before Thanksgiving I took a road trip to South Carolina. This was not a vacation. I had been commissioned by a force beyond myself to visit my biological father. I invited myself to his home for a weekend. Thankfully he accepted my imposition. My brother and his wife were also there.

I had not spent that much time with my biological father in approximately two decades. It was a pleasant weekend and I am grateful for that time together. Before taking the trip I had lots of reasons (excuses) why this was a bad idea. I went anyway.

Two days after Christmas I got a phone call from my brother. Our dad shot himself. He committed suicide. His father had committed suicide. His grandfather had committed suicide. Despite the tragedy of this situation I am awed by the grace of God.

God's grace...

• led me to spend a weekend with my birth father, though it didn't make sense
• allowed me to forgive pains from the past so that the time spent together was pleasant
• brought family members from all over the nation to celebrate his life
• placed me back in America so I could be part of that reunion (participation would not have been possible if I was still overseas)

I have no answers. I only see a small portion of a much bigger reality. I am still processing it all. My writing on this blog will likely come in starts and stops over the coming weeks - sometimes on, sometimes not. I will share what I think is appropriate...when it is appropriate. I have received cards from all over the US since this event. I thank all of you for your support.

just Sheri, because of God's grace

Encore: Tina and her girls

In the coming weeks, I will be re-posting some of my favorite posts from the past six years on this blog. Yes, I have had this blog for nearly SIX years! I have revisited some of these posts lately. It is interesting to me how much life has changed. For those who are new around here, it will give you a glimpse of the journey. I am calling this series "Encore." If you'd like, you can vote on your favorites.

Best of 2008

Here is one of the nominees from July 2008. My family is a bit, well...um...unconventional. For our family reunion, we have a talent show. It's a good thing the family is full of talent! The lead singer is my mom. The back-up dancers are my aunties, including myself. This wasn't just a one-time event. This was a snip-it from my childhood. It has been passed on to the next generation - notice the girls on the side-lines following along.


I wanted to share with you a taste of the Gonzales Family Talent Show. My mom is Tina, my aunts and I are the back-up dancers. Too fun!

Happy...Birthday!

Today, is my dad's birthday. So, while many are celebrating a spooky holiday - this day means something different to me. Our recent trip to China was a birthday celebration for each of us - after mine and before his, but traveling to a foreign land together (one of our favorite things to do).

For those of you who started reading this blog in the last couple of years, you may not know, but Bob is my adopted dad. We made it legal about six years ago. At that time, Fiona threw us an adoption party. It was a special day and I am so grateful to have this man in my life. I love you, Bob!

just Sheri, blessed and celebrating

"Venice" of China

Not far from Shanghai is an ancient water town. We took a tour. So glad we did!

Two of my favorite people on earth.

our "gondolier"

Fiona striking a pose.

Every day life happening around us. A lady doing her washing in the river as we pass by on our boat tour.

just Sheri, explorer on an expedition

I went to China and I saw...

Red lanterns. Lots and lots of red lanterns.

 An iconic building. The Pearl Tower. A symbol of Shanghai.

Chinese writing...on sidewalks, buildings, and even a Snickers bar from the airport. (hand modeled by Fiona)

Local markets. (The only shopping I actually enjoy.)

Fishing in the middle of a park in the city of Wuhan.

 People that I love - despite the miles between us.

Signs that make me laugh. Someday, I hope to get a good photo of footprints on the toilet bowl. This was the next best thing - a sign telling people not to stand on the toilet seat.

"Indigenous food."

These scenes were experienced with my favorite travel buddy by my side, from beginning to end. My dad - an exceptional man who is dear to my heart.

just Sheri, a jet lagged traveler with a happy heart