for those in transition...

In August I heard a spunky Australian speak about human trafficking. Last week I listened to a sermon she gave to a crowd recently on the power of place...and getting momentum back. You can listen to the message here.

In case I haven't mentioned it enough, we are in transition. Still without a place of our own. Still without our stuff as it is in embargo in Africa. Still without jobs (and the steady income that accompanies these). Still trying to figure out what to do with the rest of our lives. But, we know one thing...we are where we are supposed to be.

So, Christine Caine said what I needed to hear.

"Sometimes you have to go where you don't want to be (the wilderness) to end up where he (God) wants you to be...there is always more going on than what you see, more than just the circumstances. Sometimes the best way to get back in momentum is just turning up day after day."

Then she talks about the power of place specifically.

"Many Christians have sacrificed their destiny because they were pursuing a position, rather than embracing the place God has for them...when God is ready, he will come to find you. Are you still in place or have you abdicated your place?...God comes to retrieve us from our place, if we moved we miss that blessing."

Her instructions.

"Get in place if you are not in place. Embrace your place if you are in place."

just Sheri, trying to embrace my place

careless words

Words. 

I like words. I think they hold power. I believe they can define reality. Words can inspire or depress individuals. Words carry weight in relationships. Words matter.

It is estimated that we use 5,000 words per day. That's a lot. We can't possibly be aware of every one of those words...certainly some must slip. Certainly from time to time we get careless with our words. I know I do.

I tell you, on the day of judgement people will give an account for every careless word they speak... Matthew 12:36


OUCH!!!


Since reading this a few months ago, I can't stop thinking about it. I am accountable for every careless word I speak. There have been many.


Does it count if I said it about someone to a friend and it's just between us? What if I typed it in an email, would that count? Yes and yes.


I've tried to be more careful with my words.


Just Sheri, careless sometimes

who am I?

Man, know thyself. ~ Socrates

Who am I? Who are you?

Through my adult life I have been defined by many things:

My career. My job title. My place of residence. My possessions. My associations. My dreams.

These are ephemeral definitions. I am learning that...the hard way. All these things have been stripped away, bit-by-bit.

My career. 

My chosen career path requires an ability to travel and current circumstances do not allow this privilege. 

My job title.

I am unemployed. One of the first questions people ask when meeting them is, "what do you do?" I don't have a job, thus I have no job title to identify with.

My place of residence.

I currently live in the basement bedroom of a friends home, in a city I would not have predicted I would reside. I find it difficult to answer questions about "home." I don't feel that I have one. I haven't had one for years and don't know if that will change.

My possessions.

I sold the majority of what I owned to lighten the load when moving overseas. When returning to America we liquidated again and are the proud owners of a few pieces of furniture (not enough to furnish a one bedroom apartment) and a few household goods (which are still in Africa in embargo). 

My associations.

My relationships are limited in our new city. I have no professional network here. The majority of my friends and family are elsewhere. In our new circumstances, I often feel very much dis-associated with other people or places.

My dreams.

In my old job I was living the professional dream, but I quit my job and am struggling to know what's next in that arena. The personal dream of being a mother is outside of my control and remains elusive.

When these things are stripped away...career, job title, place of residence, possessions, associations, dreams...who am I? That is what I am asking myself these days.

Without these things - who are you?

Just Sheri, (apparently) experiencing an identity crisis

lessons from fairy tales

How many times have you seen the story Cinderella? I can't even count the number of times I've seen it. I generally don't like fairy tale stories from Disney. Why? Because it usually involves a princess, who is fully capable, pining away for her prince to come.


It is my belief that the best prince will be found while living, not hidden away in a castle. I don't like sending the message to young girls that they are incomplete without a man. Instead, they should be all they were created to be and then find a man who appreciates them for who they are...anyway, I digress.


The purpose of this post isn't about the messages we send to girls about their worth, but instead I was reminded of one message in the fairy tale story of Cinderella that I do like. A message that is worth repeating. What is it? Believing in the impossible. Here is the wonderful exchange between her and her fairy godmother...


Cinderella: Is it possible to get those things by wishing for them?

Fairy Godmother: Well, the sensible people of this world will say Fol-de-rol and fiddle dee dee and fiddley faddley foddle all the wishes in the world are poppy cock and twoddle.

Cinderella: Aren't they?

Fairy Godmother: Not always. The sensible people will also say Fol-de-rol and fiddle dee dee and fiddley faddley foodle all the dreamers in the world are dizzy in the noodle.

Cinderella: And aren't they?

Fairy Godmother: Not always, especially when there is someone who loves you to help you...

Cinderella: Oh, dear Fairy Godmother it all seems so impossible!!

Fairy Godmother: Impossible! But the world is full of zanies and fools who don't believe in sensible rules and won't believe what sensible people say.. and because these daft and dewey eyed dopes keep building up impossible hopes impossible things are happening every day!


I must be one of those daft and dewey eyed dopes, because I keep building up impossible hopes that impossible things will happen. What impossible things are you hoping for?


Just Sheri, (still) hoping for the impossible 

just read: Improving Your Serve

No, this is not a book about tennis. It is about living unselfishly - serving others.

I first read this book as a teenager. Someone had loaned it to my mom and it was sitting on the bookshelf in our home. The first chapter enchanted me and I had to read on. Until that moment I had looked at serving as an undesirable action and humility as weakness. This book changed everything.

I took this book with me when I moved out of my parents home. It has made the cut move after move. I even included it in our weight restricted shipment overseas. But, I hadn't read it again until now. I picked it up while we were in Africa - and just like when I was fifteen the first chapter grabbed me and sucked me back in.

Each year I send my brother a book for his birthday, it is usually my favorite book that I read that year. This was his gift for 2010 (and I hadn't finished it yet when I bought him a copy).

What was amazing in re-reading this book almost twenty years later is how much of it penetrated my mind at such a young age. Other than the Bible, I would say this is my manifesto.

I can't possibly share with you everything from the book, but I will share with you (briefly) how it changed my thinking on the topics of serving others and humility.

Prior to reading this book, I viewed serving as a lowly and undesirable act. Those who serve are often portrayed as powerless. After reading this book I viewed serving as an act requiring incredible strength - the one who serves others must have a deep well of internal resources in order to keep giving. I also (now) view it as the only act that changes individuals, communities, and ultimately the world. Power and control isn't the answer, true influence comes through service. Look at the impact of Mother Theresa if you doubt this point. She touched the globe by trying to serve one neighborhood in India.

Prior to reading this book, I viewed humility as weakness. The humble are often portrayed as downtrodden, they don't share their opinions and never speak unless spoken to. That isn't how humility is described in this book. Rather, humility is fortitude. The truly humble don't deny their strengths, they know their worth, but don't have to prove it to anyone else. Humble people let their character speak for itself and have enough discernment not to engage in trivial fights. They do, however, speak on behalf of the poor and exploited or point out when they see injustice. The difference is that it is not about them, because their value is assured. That frees these individuals up to fight on behalf of others and shake off any destructive comments they receive along the way (while still being open to constructive criticism).

I now see servants as superheros. Enduring the unendurable. Continuing to give when everyone else has quit and gone home. Fighting on behalf of the less fortunate. World changers - one person at a time.

These are only two of the many concepts in the book. There are also powerful chapters on forgiving and generosity. From beginning to end the message is powerful and counter cultural. I think everyone can benefit from it's message and I am convinced that if we had a few more servants on earth, this world would be a better place.

And just so we are clear. I re-read this book because I needed to hear it's message. I have in no way obtained the standard it sets and I am trying to lay down my stuff bit by bit. It is not an easy journey, but I believe it is worth the effort.

What is your view of service and humility?

Just Sheri, reminded of a goal worth striving toward

just read: The Land Between

The Land Between: that middle space while getting from here (current circumstances) to there (fertile ground rooted in God's promise). This space often leaves us feeling lost, lonely and deeply hurt.  It can be a time of great spiritual transformation or a time when our faith shrivels and dies - we choose the outcome. Either way God is still there and his promise is still true.

This book follows the passage of the Israelites from slavery in Egypt to the promise land. It was a long journey through a desert place. If you have read this blog in recent weeks then you know we are in transition...so the book was aptly timed. 

Chapter 4 talks about the weight of discouragement. During this journey, Moses has a talk with God that I can relate to...maybe you can too.

Numbers 11:11-15 He asked the LORD, "Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me? Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant...I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me.  If this is how you are going to treat me, put me to death right now - if I have found favor in your eyes - and do not let me face my own ruin." [emphasis mine]

Certainly, I have asked what is the purpose of this hardship? What is God attempting to teach me?

According to the author, the answer is God saying, "I am worthy of your trust. You need to learn to depend on me."

The author continues on to say, "Hear the whisper of the Creator: 'I am all sufficient. Turn to me. Trust me. I am proving myself as a capable provider.'"

So, in this time of transition where we still have no jobs (thus no income). We still don't know where we will live long-term. We are trying to help a family thrown in to chaos by a health crisis...that has no cure. I am trying to put faith in to action and believe the words of this book.

Just Sheri, wandering in the desert place and hoping to see the promise land

The Power of a Whisper

Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left,
your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,
“This is the way; walk in it.”

 
I recently finished reading an inspiring book called "The Power of a Whisper" by Bill Hybels. It may seem crazy to some to admit to hearing voices. But, I believe that Providence has guided my life and led me on this great adventure.  The author describes a similar experience in his own life. Is there any other reason we would uproot (again) and leave the known for the unknown? No rational reason that I know of, it just simply doesn't add up on a spreadsheet. I have never regretted following the leading of my God and I enjoyed reading stories of others who have responded to the call.
 
Bill closes the book with the following quote:

Listen up. Follow through. And then join your heavenly Father on a whisper-fueled adventure you'll never regret.

Will you accept the challenge?

Just Sheri, attempting to obey quiet promptings from the unseen

Samuel's Ear

A couple of years ago I started reading in the old testament of the Bible. I had come to a point where all the stories in the new testament were so familiar they had become common to me. I would start reading and think of all the sermons I had heard on those scriptures, or what I had studied before on the topic. I needed something fresh, a new perspective. So, I started reading the old testament. This decision has even brought new light to familiar passages. One character really stuck out to me - the prophet Samuel.

In his story, Samuel has a very honest relationship with God. He has conversations with the Holy One. He hears God's instructions clearly. He obeys. While reading Samuel's story, I journaled about how I admired his faith and authentic relationship with the Almighty. These are things I desire.

Fast forward a couple of years and I am reading a book and going through a study with a group of women about hearing the voice of God and having the guts to respond. The author is Bill Hybels. Again, Samuel's story emerges as an example of faith and obedience. Hybels shares a poem he learned in second grade that summarizes the impact Samuel's story has had on me. Maybe you will enjoy reading it too.

Oh! Give me Samuel's ear, an open ear, O Lord!
Alive and quick to hear each whisper of thy word.
Like him to answer to thy call and to obey thee first of all!

This is my prayer these days. What is yours?

Sheri

Leadership Summit: TD Jakes

By far my favorite speaker this year was TD Jakes. At the end of his talk I was in tears, and I mean one of those ugly cries with snot coming out your nose. Obviously, what he had to say touched me. I can't add to it, so I will just share the highlights of his powerful words.

Sometimes it's hard to be the encourager. The one you are encouraging leaves with your courage and you are left discouraged. (I have been there)

Sometimes you will feel tired, depleted and operating in the red (done that)

What you have is a God who can help you so you can help them; give you passion so they can have passion; fire so they will burn. (needed that)

"When my heart is overwhelmed,
I go to the rock which is higher than me.
Renew my strength. Increase my faith."

It seems to be working.

Psalm 62: 1-3 My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Sheri

Leadership Summit: Adam Hamilton

Going in to the Summit I had a pressing question on my mind - how do people do it, how do they keep going? How do they not just stumble and lose their way? I was wondering this because just weeks before, it was announced that another leader who had an impact had been participanting in an extramarital affair. He lost his job. She lost her job. This is not the first (nor I suspect the last) time I will receive this news.

A couple of years ago I was reading "Ascent of a Leader." In that book a surprising statistic was cited - 70% of leaders do NOT finish well. Somewhere along the way they get caught up in a sexual scandal, money scheme or some other public moral failure. Yikes! That really concerns me, especially as someone who wants to be faithful to the end. I mentioned this to K and he suggested I look at it a different way.

Oh yeah, what's that?

His response, "100% of people have a sin problem. So, 30% figured out a way to not give in to sin." I still wonder how to be one of the 30%, but I am just trying to take that day by day. I have a long road ahead of me...

Adam Hamilton gave an inspired message at the Summit. It was also one I needed to hear. His church had two well known pastors, with very public ministries, participating in an affair with each other. He had to deal with it and he decided to challenge the church to a life of integrity. You may be thinking they did this through a public shaming of the sinners, but that wasn't his message.

His message was that none of us are immune. As the church we should be caring for broken people, standing beside them...that is our calling.

I loved his message. I think too often we condemn (often publicly) and neglect to help the people involved rebuild their lives.

If you have messed up. If you know someone who has messed up. I pray you take Adam's advice and believe to the core of your being that no one is beyond redemption. God loves you more than you will ever understand and still has a wonderful plan for your life.

Sheri

No man is an island

I've read books about great people. Our culture likes to make movies about them. I believe there are many great people who give of themselves faithfully for years whom we may never hear about - we may never hear their tale of extreme generosity or overcoming trials, but that doesn't lessen their impact.

I have been blessed to encounter such people on my life journey. Marty Orr is one of them. When I think of Martha the word that comes to mind is: faithful. I've known her since I was a little girl. In college she secured permission for me to volunteer with her at the School for the Deaf so I could learn about Occupational Therapy, the career path I thought I would pursue when graduating high school. She even met with me early in the morning to help me learn sign language so I could interact with the kids. Martha attended my graduation.

When I was in college and early in my adult life, Martha would send postcards with encouraging words and scriptures. She did this often and she did this for years, even when all she received from my end was silence. The generosity she has shown me, she has given to many others - children in difficult situations, those incarcerated, and so many more.

Martha may never know how much of an encouragement she has been to me in my life, but I thank God for her and the example of faithfulness she has shown me. On my recent visit to New Mexico, Kenyon and I met up with Martha and her husband Jimmy for lunch. It is always a blessing to see their smiling faces. This was a photo taken at the end of that lunch.

I was recently asked if I think there are still faithful individuals like those we hear about in history and through movies. I know there are. Martha is one of them. Premdas is one of them. I have had the privilege of meeting so many others in my travels. You may never hear their story, but my life has been enriched through these encounters. I suspect yours has been too, by others.

No man is an island, entire unto itself...I am so grateful for those who have gone before me and invested in me. I pray I can follow a similar path and have strength to endure.

is it medical?

We have not gone to a doctor to find out if there is a problem; partially, because we live in the developing world and such things are difficult to diagnose here and infertility treatments would also be difficult. Partially, because I was hoping it would just happen without complications. Honestly, who thinks they are going to have trouble getting pregnant? That is not generally someone's first assumption. Will there be a medical intervention in our future? I don't know.

I have found this experience to be faith growing. It isn't easy to hope for something year after year that doesn't seem to become reality - for whatever reason. There have been times that I tried to squash the desire for children. There have been times I thought it would just be easier if I didn't want it. Hoping hurts when it is hope deferred. I've had many chats with God about this. Many questions related to why it hasn't happened? The only answer I received is found in Luke 18:1.

I believe God is asking me to "always pray and not lose heart." Praying keeps hope alive, but as I mentioned before, hoping hurts. I keep praying through the pain. Will I get what I am asking for? I don't know. But, I will keep hoping.

the adoption option

On our first date Kenyon said, "I plan to adopt. It's very important to me." Not exaclty appropriate first date conversation, but that's one of the things I love about my husband - no pretense...never, ever.

Adoption has been an option I've considered for a long time. I think I was 15 years old when I told my mom I wanted to adopt. I believe she told me that I might want to wait on that decision until I was older. In my work I see so many children who need a home. So many children who have been abandoned. On my first trip to India in 2004 there was a little girl who captured my heart, her name is Chandini. She was living at an orphanage. I was single, but always thought that someday, perhaps, I could bring her home with me. When I knew Kenyon and I were serious, I told him about Chandini. I introduced her to him when we went to India. He fell in love with her, too.

We wanted to adopt Chandini. It didn't work out. It broke our heart. We still have photos of Chandini on our fridge. I pray for her almost every day. We still love her.

The greatest gift...ever!

I have a good friend, Elaine. We have known each other for approximately 10 years. I love her dearly. We have so much history together. We don't need to go through long explanations, because we already know each others story - instead we are just catching up and sharing memories.

We worked together when Elaine was pregnant with her first child. I called her "my test case." She shared with me her highs and lows of pregnancy, her deepest secrets and fears. When her daughter was born, I was in the waiting room with the family. I felt like family. When her daughter was still very young it was discovered that she had a kidney problem and surgery was required. I walked through this experience with Elaine. I visited the hospital after surgery. Her daughter was hooked to an IV, very scared, and in pain. The only thing that could comfort her was her mother, my friend. It was a beautiful scene of love. My longings to become a mother became undeniable that day. I was 26 years old and in an unhappy marriage (this will come as a second surprise to some of you). I decided it would be a selfish choice to bring a child in to such a dysfunctional environment, it was one thing for me to live there (stay there) due to the commitment I had made, but I wouldn't bring a child in to it. As a result, I prevented pregnancy. In the end, I could not stay in the marriage. Elaine walked through that experience with me.

When Elaine became pregnant with her second child she gave me the best gift I've ever received - the best! She asked me to be in the delivery room with her and her husband. I got to witness a miracle from the front row seat. My job was to take photographs, I wasn't just there as an observer. After her son was born, the nurses took him to be weighed. I looked at my friend who had just been through so much pain in her delivery. She was looking at her son with an expression of pure love. He was just born and she loved him completely. I was moved to tears. I took a picture of that moment and that picture still makes me emotional. I instintually think of that day every February 8.

Elaine spent the entire day with me when I married Kenyon, was my photographer at the wedding, and our witness on the legal documentation. When we moved away from Kansas City Elaine and I had a tearful good-bye and she said, "I always thought I'd get to be there when you are pregnant." I had thought so, too.

That was three years ago, I am still not pregnant.

Getting Personal

On this blog, I have shared bits about my life - usually public events or some personal reflections related to literature or things I see through my work. This post is going to be more personal than normal. I have decided to make something public that I have kept private for many years. There is a select group that already know what I am about to say, for some, this may be surprising. I have hinted at it from time to time on this blog. What is it? I want a child. I want it more than I want anything else in this world. I want desperately to be a mother.

When I was younger and my professional ambitions were more pronounced, people often assumed I was more interested in a career than a family. I let them assume this because I didn't want to talk about my painful longings that went unmet. I haven't bothered to correct these assumptions...it is just easier that way, because I can't talk about it without tears. Truth be told, I would exchange income, title, and position in the professional world for the chance to be "mom." From time to time other professional women have told me similar stories of painful longings and the judgements that come when a woman is advancing in years, but hasn't had children yet. Be careful not to assume, sometimes circumstances are not by choice!

The remainder of this week I am going to address this issue from personal experience...

just read: Pagan Christianity

I am half-way through a thought provoking book titled Pagan Christianity. Essentially, the authors trace the history of our current church practices -  the roots of practices such as sermons, tithe, church buildings, etc. The authors contrasts these things with their idea of what the New Testament church is meant to be.

This book makes me long for their description of community. A place where every individual is living out their calling and utilizing their talents and gifts. A place where there is a sense of responsibility to help the poor and suffering. Authentic community where people are real with each other, share burdens and joys. Who wouldn't want to be part of something like that?

There is a follow-up to this book titled Reimagining Church. I might read that next, if i can get my hands on it...

The person who recommended this book said:  "be careful not to become a bull-headed revolutionary who contests what is currently practiced.” This book does get me fired up, and many of the ideas speak to my soul, but I do think the advice was sound so I will heed it and not get on a soap box here and instead just recommend the book and let you decide for yourself.

I was telling my mom about the book the other day and she said it probably isn't a good idea for me to be reading something like this that is critical of existing Christian institutions when I am about to become a seminary student. That is probably also sound advice. But, I've already applied, been accepted, and need to accomplish this if I plan to continue my career with my current employer. So, I will select my courses carefully.

My first choice is a Philosophy course on Christ and culture. The course description sounds interesting. I hope it will explore ideas similar to those in this book. I pray my expectations are correct. Classes begin June 20. Since it will be part of my life, things I am learning will likely find their way on this blog.

What are your thoughts on church as an institution? Is it meeting the needs of society both spiritually and physically?

update: what to do?

A few months ago, I posted about my dilemma with beggars. At the time I was struggling with how to respond. I continue to struggle with how to respond.

Recently, I was reading in the book of Matthew (in the Bible) and one of the scriptures seemed to answer my question. Matthew 6:42 reads:

Give to the one who begs from you.

Well, that seems simple enough, but really it just leads to another question. What should I give - Money? Time? Clothes? Should my gift come with strings attached, like pick up trash or wash my car? Or should my gift be given out of the kindness of my heart with no strings attached? What are your thoughts? What do you do when you encounter a beggar on the street?

women's group

Recently, I posted about a women's group I met with. This is a picture of my favorite lady from that group. I love her face. I love her smile. I bet she has seen some things in her time. I wish I could have a conversation with her, but alas, my language skills (or lack of) make that impossible. I don't even know her name, but I will forever remember her face and story of God's faithfulness in her life.

dark side of karma

I live in a Buddhist country. The belief in karma is very pervasive here, not just as an interesting philosophy, but rather as a theology that influences many daily life decisions. As a Christian who comes from a non-Buddhist nation I previously thought of karma as an idea related to cause and effect, action and reaction, behavior and consequence. I can tell you from my brief time in Cambodia that it is much more.

The true belief in karma has a giant effect on someones view of themselves and their destiny. Though my understanding of karma seems to infer some control over one's destiny and the course of life, the reality of what this belief produces is very fatalistic. There seems to be a pervasive hopelessness that is hard to address because it is all tied up in how one views the world.

There is another thing I've observed. When one truly believes in the laws of karma there seems to be a lack of compassion for the circumstances of others. The sick and disabled are looked down upon because they likely did something in a past life to deserve their fate.

I was recently in a public place with a man who is living with a disability. He said nothing about it, but I noticed the looks and how he was treated. Essentially, it was as if he were cursed. I've noticed this in other circumstances with those suffering with HIV or other illnesses. There seems to be a dark side to karma that I was not previously aware. Working in this context, I am wondering how to overcome it. Suggestions?

a Christian response to sex tourism

I am invited to a meeting next Friday that sparked my interest and made me aware of some ugly parts of my soul that needed to be revealed.

There is a group reaching out to the men who come to places like Thailand and Cambodia for the purpose of pleasure seeking. This group has an innovative strategy. Operating under the belief that God cares deeply about everyone, they go in to the red light districts and build relationships with the clients. Just reading about the MST project challenged me to view these men in a new light; not as predators, but as broken people suffering from the same things that ail me - brokenness, sin, loneliness and a desire to be loved. Reading the stories on their blog sparked compassion in me that did not previously exist.

It also made me realize something else...the invitation to the meeting was a training of sorts, to answer the question: what should I do in the face of this evil? (evil is not their word, but mine) Following the meeting we are invited to go with the group to the red light districts and start up conversations. That scares me.

I've often wondered what to do in these situations. I've wondered how to respond. I am now being offered an opportunity to do just that and my first reaction is to retreat to my safe and hygenic environment. It is a lot easier to look out at these things with morbid curiosity, it is a whole lot more difficult to walk in to the mess and start to get my hands dirty in the work.

God, give me the courage to take this opportunity to learn more about your heart for the hurting in our world. Thank you for challenging my perspective and showing me, once again, how deep your love is for us. Thank you for showing me how you love everyone regardless of where they are at, even those I may not like very much.

The question still remains, can I be one of the few who will stand on the street corner and offer them HOPE? Can you?