now I know why they are called care packages

Kenyon and I have been the grateful recipients of a few care packages recently. Some were sent at Christmas time and only one has arrived by mail from the Jones family (sorry to those who sent one and they have not been received, we keep hoping it will arrive soon).

The others came in Bob's luggage from my family. Whatever the form, I now know why they are called "care packages." Receiving little gifts from home is wonderful. It makes us feel cared for to get something as simple as some familiar candy or snacks.

Not that I really thought about it before, but I now know why they are called "care packages." Thank you to those who sent them (even if they did not arrive), we appreciate the care that went in to creating them from the other side of the world.

women's group

Recently, I posted about a women's group I met with. This is a picture of my favorite lady from that group. I love her face. I love her smile. I bet she has seen some things in her time. I wish I could have a conversation with her, but alas, my language skills (or lack of) make that impossible. I don't even know her name, but I will forever remember her face and story of God's faithfulness in her life.

spiders: a cambodian delicacy

On a recent trip to one of the provinces we stopped at a roadside pit-stop/cafe. I saw a big bowl full of one of Cambodia's delicacies. What's that? Spiders. I haven't eaten one myself, but it was interesting to see as it isn't likely I would see such a thing at a roadside stop in the States.

If you were here, would you eat a spider? Alive they look like tarantulas. I just don't get in to eating weird things for the sake of the experience.

child safe zone

Just off one of the major streets in Phnom Penh is a community of families struggling to get by. I've mentioned before that people here work hard, usually six days per week. One of the problems with all this work is what to do with the kids while they are at work. Often children are left alone with no supervision. We have been working with church partners to provide a safe place for kids while their parents are at work. We provide training for community volunteers who eventually oversee the place. We provide toys and educational materials. We find church partners who are motivated to help their community struggle upward. These photos are from a recent visit to one of our child safe zone locations.

a day in the life: Prey Sala community

Recently, I went with the staff to visit one of the urban resettlement communities we are working in. Basically, these people lost their land and were relocated here over a year ago. At the time of relocation these families were given many promises, few promises have been kept. I thought you might like to see a day in the life of these families.

wedding season

Turns out, dry season is wedding season. We've been invited to a few weddings since arriving in Cambodia (after the rains stopped). Here is a copy of the first wedding invite we received. We weren't able to attend this wedding, but it was not our last opportunity.Something Westerners will find interesting about Khmer weddings is for the most part they are held in the middle of the street. Here are some photos from a wedding held in our street recently.

The weddings create major roadblocks. When this one was held I couldn't drive home that weekend because there was no way to get the car in (and out) of the driveway. One other thing to note is the loudspeaker begins at 6am. I was told the purpose of the loudspeaker was to scare away evil spirits. What I know is, there is no way an American wedding could block an entire street for a weekend and blare loudspeakers early on a Saturday morning...but we aren't in America anymore.



Just down on the next block is the kitchen for the wedding event.




A couple of weekends ago I attended my first Khmer wedding. It was for a colleague. She married a Japanese man.




Generally, the ladies here don't get so made up. The only time I see them look like this is for a wedding. I've always wondered if all that make-up and hairspray and fancy clothes made them feel pretty for their wedding day. I know Socheata well enough to ask. Her response, "No. I feel like a clown." I appreciate her honesty.



Being held outside, I totally understand why weddings would be scheduled during dry season because during wet season many of these same streets are flooded and no one would want to ruin their best clothes.

teaching English

Since arriving in Cambodia I have been searching for ways to get involved in the community - a volunteer opportunity of sorts. Yes, there is need all around, which would lead one to assume there is ample volunteer opportunity. I looked at many opportunities, but it was hard to find one that would match my schedule (long work hours and frequent travel) and would not be hindered by my limitations (very poorly spoken and often forgotten Khmer).

Yes, I work for an organization that is focused on serving the country. Why would I feel the need to give more of myself? Because my job is a desk job. I am not a project manager who gets to be in the field with the people, I manage the project managers which leaves me somewhat disconnected from the people. I spend most of my time sitting at a desk in front of a computer, just as I would if I were working in America. I want to be where the people are, in order to do that I need to find a volunteer opportunity.

My neighbor Jenni told me that she is doing 6 weeks of English lessons with her Khmer teachers. I asked if I could be her teaching assistant one day a week. She agreed.

I joined my first class on Wednesday and loved it!

They started by asking me questions about myself, some (like my age and why I haven't had children yet) would be considered personal in my culture for a first encounter. At the end of the questioning I shared that most Westerners don't talk about that stuff during the introduction stage. They said, this is normal conversation for Khmer people, it is simply part of getting to know one another.

Our agenda for the evening included going over sounds like "th," "v," and "f." Jenni did a lot of prep work for the class and had written some fun sentences to practice these sounds. At one point, when the whole room (with the exception of the two Americans) was struggling with one word, I realized how patient my Khmer teacher is with me. What word was that? Wives. Everytime the students spoke the word it sounded like "wise."

Jenni would say, "no, no. Wives." For a while I don't think the distinction was even noticeable to the students. So, she started overannunciated so they could catch the distinctions.

The students would then say "wise." But this time they would scrape their teeth on their lower lip to try and pronounce the "v."

It went on like this for a while until Jenni decided to move on and let them practice the sentences at home.

The class was scheduled for 1 1/2 hours. It went in the blink of an eye.

I was telling a colleague from England about it the next day. He said he's noticed that many Asian's struggle with the "th" sound. He works in the health sector, but when Asian's say that word it sounds more like "hell." Imagine meeting someone from another organization and introducing yourself as the "Director of Hell." He says he has to hold back a laugh everytime he hears it.

Teaching English is fun. It is also very valuable for those who are learning as it widens their job prospects. If they can learn English and computers, the opportunities available are greatly expanded. It is also a good service opportunity for me. Thank Jenni for letting me be your teaching assistant!

dark side of karma

I live in a Buddhist country. The belief in karma is very pervasive here, not just as an interesting philosophy, but rather as a theology that influences many daily life decisions. As a Christian who comes from a non-Buddhist nation I previously thought of karma as an idea related to cause and effect, action and reaction, behavior and consequence. I can tell you from my brief time in Cambodia that it is much more.

The true belief in karma has a giant effect on someones view of themselves and their destiny. Though my understanding of karma seems to infer some control over one's destiny and the course of life, the reality of what this belief produces is very fatalistic. There seems to be a pervasive hopelessness that is hard to address because it is all tied up in how one views the world.

There is another thing I've observed. When one truly believes in the laws of karma there seems to be a lack of compassion for the circumstances of others. The sick and disabled are looked down upon because they likely did something in a past life to deserve their fate.

I was recently in a public place with a man who is living with a disability. He said nothing about it, but I noticed the looks and how he was treated. Essentially, it was as if he were cursed. I've noticed this in other circumstances with those suffering with HIV or other illnesses. There seems to be a dark side to karma that I was not previously aware. Working in this context, I am wondering how to overcome it. Suggestions?

eating rats

On a recent trip out to the village my driver stopped at a roadside cafe. By cafe, I mean it was a small shack, with a table of random items (most unrecognizable) and a grill. On the grill was a very popular item with the locals. What was it? Grilled rats.

What I learned from this experience is when rats are grilled they get stiff. The cook then uses their tail to turn them as they cook. These rats were spread out like a 5-point star over the grill. The driver innocently asked me if I wanted one, I kindly declined the request. A truck load of field workers stopped in while we were there and ate up the delicacy.

The funny part is that as I was recounting this story to one of the American staff at my destination. The staff member shared with me that the Australian intern had tried rat the night before and was consequently feeling sick from it.

I had to find the intern and ask a very pressing question. Maybe you would like to know what rat tasted like, or what it's texture was. But my question was more pressing than that...I simply wanted to know: why? Why would anyone from the Western world willingly choose to eat a rat?

She said she tried it because she was told it is a field rat and those are better than city rats. Whatever! As far as I am concerned, eating rat is not part of my diet unless I am on the verge of death from starvation.

So, some knowledgable person out there - is eating field rats better than eating city rats? I'll just have to take your word on the matter as this is one experience I will pass on.

working poor

Children in Cambodia go to school six days a week. Usually, half days. Why so many days? Because their parents work a minimum of 6 days a week, generally from just after sunrise to just before sundown. There is a small siesta in the afternoon, but this is a very hard working country.

Most people run some kind of private business. It is not unusual to see small shops run out of the first floor of someone's home. Small businesses and start-ups are common. Entrepreneurship is everywhere!

The majority of people have a job - driving a tuk or a moto, collecting recycables, working in a shop, the best jobs are working at restaurants frequented by foreigners or in an office. The best jobs require an ability to speak English, computer skills and, thus, some level of education.

Though I don't know the exact figure, the unemployment rate in Cambodia is low. Unfortunately, these are the working poor. Can you imagine working six or seven days per week and still not making enough to feed your family? It is a tradgedy.

I am starting to believe the answer to Cambodia's economic problems is increasing industry. Most products here are imported from Thailand, Vietnam, Korea or some other more developed place in Asia. Cambodian's aren't lazy, they just need jobs that pay a fair wage and some larger industry to support their efforts. These are the working poor. I pray their labor is not in vain.

riverboat cruise

The Mekong River runs through our city. It is possible to rent a boat for $10-20 USD. Generally, a drink is provided as part of the fee during the one hour boat cruise. Kenyon and I recently went on a riverboat cruise with some friends. It offered a unique view of the place we live. Some of the sites I thought would be worth sharing.

Fishing is a large industry in our part of the world. It is a huge source of income and protein for those who live here. As countries like China dam the Mekong upstream there is speculation about what might happen to those downstream who rely on the river for food and livelihood.

Many of those who make their living off the river, also reside in these riverside housing developments. I am told that many of these are people without a homeland. A large percentage are of Vietnamese decent, who came to Cambodia during more difficult times in their country. Without documentation they cannot return. If born here they cannot return, and they are not able to gain residency here. Thus, they live on the river as people without a homeland.

The riverfront is becoming a desirable location to build. I took this picture hoping to show the contrasts between the have and have-nots. On land is a beautiful new villa, right next to those who are living in a floating shanty.

As we were coming closer to our port to dock, I noticed this group of people washing clothes in the river.

Just another day in the Phen...

a Christian response to sex tourism

I am invited to a meeting next Friday that sparked my interest and made me aware of some ugly parts of my soul that needed to be revealed.

There is a group reaching out to the men who come to places like Thailand and Cambodia for the purpose of pleasure seeking. This group has an innovative strategy. Operating under the belief that God cares deeply about everyone, they go in to the red light districts and build relationships with the clients. Just reading about the MST project challenged me to view these men in a new light; not as predators, but as broken people suffering from the same things that ail me - brokenness, sin, loneliness and a desire to be loved. Reading the stories on their blog sparked compassion in me that did not previously exist.

It also made me realize something else...the invitation to the meeting was a training of sorts, to answer the question: what should I do in the face of this evil? (evil is not their word, but mine) Following the meeting we are invited to go with the group to the red light districts and start up conversations. That scares me.

I've often wondered what to do in these situations. I've wondered how to respond. I am now being offered an opportunity to do just that and my first reaction is to retreat to my safe and hygenic environment. It is a lot easier to look out at these things with morbid curiosity, it is a whole lot more difficult to walk in to the mess and start to get my hands dirty in the work.

God, give me the courage to take this opportunity to learn more about your heart for the hurting in our world. Thank you for challenging my perspective and showing me, once again, how deep your love is for us. Thank you for showing me how you love everyone regardless of where they are at, even those I may not like very much.

The question still remains, can I be one of the few who will stand on the street corner and offer them HOPE? Can you?

contributing to corruption

Corruption is rampant where we live. In day to day activities we are faced with the choice of whether or not we will contribute to it.

It seems an easy choice to say, "No. I won't be party to corruption." But what if paying a bribe may mean the chance to get your stuff from home out of customs quicker? What if paying a bribe gets your car registered in a matter of days rather than months? what if paying a bribe is actually helping a government worker who is paid $25-50 per month to support their family?

I wish it weren't so, but we are asked almost daily to pay bribes in one form or another. I know where I stand on this. I will not pay. To me, the ends do not justify the means.

I would rather wait for my stuff to come out of customs. In fact, we did. It took us weeks to get our stuff from home out of customs. Kenyon went everyday with a new form they had asked for, he started keeping a folder of all the forms requested. It was ridiculous. We were told by many, just pay them and you will get your stuff. No. I won't be party to corruption.

If we had been willing to pay bribes, then the car the office recently purchased would have been registered weeks ago and instead we are now waiting for an indefinite period of time. The current prediction is another month. I choose to wait, I will not be party to corruption.

I am not making up that most government workers, including the police, only net $25-50 per month. Though the cost of living is less here than in other parts of the world, it would be impossible for anyone to live on that. These are the working poor and their only other means of supporting their family is to collect bribes. I feel badly for their situation, but I will not be party to corruption.

Making this choice is not as easy as one might think. When living in a place where corruption is the norm, it isn't always easy to be abnormal.

splendid gray hair

In the culture I come from, gray hair is something to be ashamed of. We cover it up. We have advertisements with little jingles that say, "I am going to wash that gray right out of my hair."

Gray hair is not splendid, rather it is a tragedy.

In my culture, we long for the fountain of youth and would love if we can look 25 years old perpetually. That's why plastic surgeons make such a good living, because their work is valued in our culture. We will pay any price to fight aging.

The Bible says, "The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old." (Proverbs 20:29)

I am a product of my culture. I can tell you that the day I found my first gray hair, I would not describe it as splendor. Now I have many more grays, to the point I am starting to debate the need for coloring my hair on a regular basis.

Cambodians are different. Those with gray hair are revered. The older are treated with honor. Because of this, gray hair isn't dreaded but welcomed. One of my colleagues (a female American) has decided she is going to stop covering her grays. Instead, she is going to follow the Cambodian way and embrace them.

I am still debating my choice.

Should I cover the gray hairs that have begun to appear on my head? I don't know that I have the energy for that, nor could I be bothered to maintain it. I am a low maintenance girl - the only make-up I wear is mascara and I don't blow dry my hair. I am not sure I am willing to add regular visits to the beauty shop as part of my routine, as it would have to be frequent because my hair grows quickly.

Should I embrace gray hair and consider it splendor? I am quite certain my psyche isn't ready for all that. I've had years of acculturation that tells me otherwise.

What are your thoughts?

a good wife...

Last week I was visiting with one of our partner organizations who works in the poorest area of Phnom Penh. They do work with children who suffer with disabilities, they help those infected with and affected by HIV, they have women's programs, child nutrition programs, teen drug rehabilitation and income generation for child headed households. The most amazing part about all of this - it is almost entirely led by Khmer people, not foreigners. I love that!

Anyway, through the course of conversation I learned something interesting about Cambodia. I knew that domestic violence is prevalent. I knew many, many women are beaten by fathers and then husbands. One of the Khmer women said, "we are told that a good wife takes the beating." What?!

She continued speaking and said, "I am trying to change my culture. To encourage men to be good husbands and fathers." Hallelujah!

Were there things we were told in our culture that make a women a good wife, but are actually quite oppressive to her?

accommodating

I have noticed something about Khmer culture that is interesting to me. The Khmer people are very accommodating of others - foreigners specifically.

On a recent drive out to a distant province I was with a Khmer taxi driver and one of our Khmer staff. It was time for dinner and they started discussing where to go - in Khmer. They decided to choose a restaurant for the barang. I was outnumbered and generally Khmer people don't like barang food (with the exception of pizza). Without my asking, they accommodated me.

When getting in a car, the seat of honor is the front passenger seat. Rather than rushing for it like any true-blue American would do, they quietly get in the back seat leaving the seat of honor for someone else - usually the foreigner.

Daily the Khmer staff wait patiently for me to figure out things that they know instinctually. They don't make me feel silly or stupid about it, they simply wait and only interject when asked. Us American's are always so eager to show off what we know.

I didn't ask for them to give me the place of honor, or think of my needs for edible food above their own, or to bestow dignity upon me in my times of struggle. They just do it. I can tell you it doesn't go unnoticed by me. Instead, it leaves me wondering how I can be more accommodating to others.

In America, we tend to treat foreigners in our land with suspicion (especially following 9/11). We expect them to bend their ways to our own. Offer accommodation? Ha! That isn't the American way. But, maybe it should be. Maybe we should be more welcoming to foriegners from a foreign land? Maybe we shouldn't expect everyone to act just like us? Maybe we should consider their basic needs and how we can meet them?

Isn't that what Jesus challenges us to do?

Matthew 25:35-40

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.

Then the righteous will answer him, "Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?"

The King will reply, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

Jesus challenges us to welcome the strangers in our land and to meet basic needs. Khmer people offer a great example of how to do this. I hope to take these lessons and incorporate them in to my life, wherever I may happen to live.

Valentine's elf - Cambodia style

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know that I have a Valentine's Day tradition. What's that? I like to make women feel special on Valentine's Day. This marketing driven holiday makes women feel bad about themselves - those who are single feel lonely, those who are in relationship rarely get the celebration of their beauty that they were hoping for. I hate that, it shouldn't be that way. That's when I transformed myself in to the Valentine's Elf.

It is usually just an all around disappointing holiday. So, I made my own tradition. I used to deliver flowers to single ladies and new moms when I lived in KC. One of the single ladies who used to be a regular recipient of my Valentine elf deliveries wrote me an email last week:

it's almost Valentine's Day...missing you and your roses!! :)

It's been three years since I've been able to deliver flowers to her, but she still remembers the joy it brought. Though I would love to, it's a little hard to keep this tradition alive in KC when I live on the other side of the world...mostly because I have a limited bank account. Otherwise I would order flowers to be delivered all over the place - to the widow I used to make deliveries to, or the single mother of twin girls, or all of the others who were a regular stop on my annual delivery list. Ladies, I may not be there, but I still think you are amazing and wish I could see the smile on your face when I arrive with my single rose bought especially for you.

Because I like the Valentine's elf tradition so much, I have decided to continue it Cambodia style. Last week I visited with some AIDS orphans. These were a group of about 10 girls whose parents have died. These girls are now responsible for their siblings and trying to support them as best as they can, being so young themselves. They call this terrible situation a child headed household. Well, these girls make greeting cards. One of the girls proudly showed me a card that she designed, it has a beaded flower bouquet on the front. It was the most expensive card in their collection because it takes a lot of time and materials. It is beautiful. I promptly bought five. The recipients of these cards are the single ladies in my cell group. Inside, I wrote an individual note to each describing their beauty as I see it.

It's a little twist on the theme, but I like the variation. As always, ladies, know that you are special. Each of you have a unique beauty to offer the world, even if no one acknowledges it on Valentine's Day.

off-road adventure tour

Outside of the city most roads aren't paved in Cambodia. They are generally au-natural, which means dirt roads, full of bumps and other obstacles.

I've been on some pretty nasty roads in my time. Some of the worst roads I've seen were in Mozambique, sometimes I would wonder how we made it through as I was certain we would get stuck somewhere along the way or the crevices in the road would just eat up our vehicle. To keep myself from being scared, I would pretend I was riding a roller coaster. Including throwing my hands up and yelling "weeee" on some pretty treacherous hills. The staff would just laugh not knowing my true motivation for the outburst.

Recently I was in a northern province in Cambodia riding some bumpy, dirt roads. As I am being jostled about and trying not to bang my head against the window, one of the staff from Australia reminded me that people in Western cultures pay to have off-roading adventures - we get to do it as part of the job.

One of the Khmer staff who speaks English caught on to the paying part and asked some clarifying questions about off-road tours. He then proceeds to explain to the driver in Khmer that "barangs" (foreigners) pay money to drive on bumpy roads. The driver laughed so hard I thought he was going to lose control of the vehicle, there were actually tears streaming down his face and he was shaking his head in disbelief. Crazy barangs!

kindred spirit

I recently met a woman named Mily. She was in Cambodia visiting because this is her husbands home land. He immigrated to the US during the Khmer Rouge. She works for World Bank in the DC area and I just loved talking with her about life and family.

At this particular dinner she asked me what I make for dinner living in Cambodia. I told her that she just hit a sore spot. I am of the generation of women that don't make things from scratch. My generation has grown dependent on modern conveniences like microwaves, standing mixers, and pre-packaged dough. In Cambodia, I am a miserable cook.

Mily was so encouraging and gave me great ideas like having a weekly theme for each night. Like Thursday is pizza night. The pizza may have different toppings week to week, but every Thursday the family eats pizza. There is a Mexican night and an Italian night. She said themes makes it much easier in planning and preparing meals. Such a simple thing makes such a difference!

Mily and her family went to Siem Reap for a visit. When they returned we got together again to hang out. She told me a story about attending a cultural show and wanting to get closer to the stage and then falling in the water feature in front of everyone. In her husband's words, "she became the show." Everything stopped, including the actors on stage, to make sure she was alright. I could just picture it as they told the story.

She was laughing so hard while telling the story. We were laughing too. Then she says, "do you know the moral of the story?"

I am thinking she is going to say, "watch your step" or something like that.

She doesn't.

The moral of the story according to Mily is: keep everything in your purse in plastic bags. Ha! She then proceeds to show me the inside of her purse and how each thing is individually wrapped in a plastic baggy - toilet tissue, prescription medicines, tourist maps and even their camera.

Mily has arrived back in the States and has sent me some valuable recipes for quick fix pizza dough and quiches. I love this woman and the times we spent together in recent months were incredibly enjoyable. I admire her spunk and attitude. In Mily, I found a kindred spirit.

"wash your hands"

How many times in your life have you heard someone, maybe a parent, say - "did you wash your hands?"

I know I heard it from relatives and teachers. Heck, I still hear it today from my husband when exiting the toilet or when cooking dinner.

I was recently at a meeting discussing clean water issues in Cambodia. Generally, we couple such projects with hygiene promotion. Encouraging individuals to wash their hands at critical times - after going to the toilet, before eating, or while preparing a meal. One man who has been working in the sector a long time said something that stuck with me.

According to this man, when someone tells you to wash your hands - that is demonstrating love.

Think about it - you wouldn't say it, if you didn't care about the individual. Those you say it to, you feel affection toward - why else would you say such a thing? Those who never hear it, likely don't have someone in their life who is looking out for their welfare.

So, maybe in the month of love and a looming valentines day - you could ask someone, "did you wash your hands?"